Film Jokes / Recent Jokes
Lindsay Lohan and Keira Knightley will join forces on the low budget independent film “The Best Time of Our Lives.” How was the film able to be produced at a low budget?
- Because they didn’t have to provide any food.
An aspiring pianist was hired to play the background music for a movie. When it was completed, he inquired as to when and where he would be able to see the film. Sheepishly, the produced confessed that it was actually a porn movie and was due to be released in a month.
A month later, with his collar up and wearing dark glasses, the pianist went to a porn theatre to see it. He took a seat in the back row, right next to a couple who also appeared to be in disguise.
The film was even raunchier than his worst fears. It featured goup sex, S & M, and even a dog.
After a few minutes, the embarrassed pianist turned to the couple and said, "I'm only here to listen to the music."
"Really?" the man replied. "Well, we're only here to see our dog."
On the anniversary of 9/11, former Clinton aides are outraged over the docu-drama that aired on ABC. The "film" placed partial blame at the feet of then President Bill Clinton.
"We aren't in support of a jaded film that does nothing but spew lies and half-truths."
"Well, except this one."
Remove film from box and load camera.
Remove film box from puppy's mouth and throw in trash.
Remove puppy from trash and brush coffee grounds from muzzle.
Choose a suitable background for photo.
Mount camera on tripod and focus.
Find puppy and take dirty sock from mouth.
Place puppy in pre-focused spot and return to camera.
Forget about spot and crawl after puppy on knees.
Focus with one hand and fend off puppy with other hand.
Get tissue and clean nose print from lens.
Take flash cube from puppy's mouth and throw in trash.
Put cat outside and put peroxide on the scratch on puppy's nose.
Put magazines back on coffee table.
Try to get puppy's attention by squeaking toy over your head.
Replace your glasses and check camera for damage.
Jump up in time to grab puppy by scruff of neck and say, "No, outside!
No, outside!"
Call someone to help clean up mess.
Fix a drink.
Sit back in Lazy Boy with large, more...
The producer of a low budget film is trying to convince the newly hired director of the quality of the work by telling him the big names theyve gotten for the cast. "First of all," he tells him, "Weve got Gibson in the lead." The director is surprised, "You got Mel Gibson?" "Well, no," the Producer responds, "we got Marvin Gibson, hes a distant cousin who lives in Queens, but hes very up and coming. And besides, weve also got Redford." "You got Robert Redford?" the director asks. "No, we got Jeremy Redford, but hes very talented and has lots of acting experience from years of dinner theater. But," he says enthusiastically, " weve got Streisand and in a singing role." "Barbara Streisand?" he asks. "No, Elizabeth Streisand." The Producer responds. "But shes got a great voice. AND weve got Goulet." "You got Robert Goulet?" the director asks. "Yeah," the more...
A film crew was on location deep in the desert. One day an old Indian went up to the director and said, "Tomorrow rain." The next day it rained. A week later, the Indian went up to the director and said, "Tomorrow storm." The next day there was a hailstorm."This Indian is incredible," said the director. He told his secretary to hire the Indian to predict the weather. However, after several successful predictions, the old Indian didnt show up for two weeks. Finally the director sent for him. "I have to shoot a big scene tomorrow," said the director, "and Im depending on you. What will the weather be like?"The Indian shrugged his shoulders. "Dont know," he said. "Radio is broken."