Film Jokes / Recent Jokes
"Clearly it's not the life I had before, but I laugh just as much."
O.J. Simpson during his ESPN interview on Thursday (15 Jan. 1998)
"Reader, suppose you were an idiot. And suppose you were a member of Congress. But I repeat myself."
Mark Twain
"So, does this prove once and for all that size does matter?"
Golden Globe Award-winning director James Cameron (18 Jan. 1998), whose film "Titanic" is the most expensive in Hollywood history.
..."I've always thought that underpopulated countries in Africa are vastly underpolluted."
Lawrence Summers, chief economist of the World Bank, explaining why toxic waste should be exported to Third World countries
"We regret the incident but will not press charges... [Bill] commented that one of the worst things about his whole thing was that the pie wasn't that tasty."
Erin Brewer, spokesman for Microsoft's Belgian office, after company chief Bill Gates was more...
I went to the cinema the other day and in the front row was an old man and with him was his dog. It was a sad funny kind of film, you know the type. In the sad part, the dog cried his eyes out, and in the funny part, the dog laughed its head off. This happened all the way through the film. After the film had ended, I decided to go and speak to the man.
"That's the most amazing thing I've seen," I said. "That dog really seemed to enjoy the film."
The man turned to me and said, "Yeah, it is. He hated the book."
I went to the cinema the other day and in the front row was an old man and with him was his dog. It was a sad funny kind of film, you know the type. In the sad part, the dog cried his eyes out, and in the funny part, the dog laughed its head off. This happened all the way through the film. After the film had ended, I decided to go and speak to the man."That's the most amazing thing I've seen," I said. "That dog really seemed to enjoy the film."The man turned to me and said, "Yeah, it is. He hated the book."
A witch went into a beauty parlor and asked the assistant how much it would cost to make her look like a film star. "Nothing," replied the assistant. "Nothing?" she asked, "but how can I look like a film star?" "Haven't you seen a film called The Creature from the Black Lagoon?" replied the assistant.
For long, India's colonial rulers divided the country's population by the numbers. And as current-day politicians continue with that unholy task, we present a shortcut to make their work easier. Here's distinguishing India's different cultures by the numbers:
MALAYALEES
One Malayalee is a narial-pani shop.
Two Malayalees is a boat race.
Three Malayalees is a Gulf job racket.
Four Malayalees is an oilslick.
TAMILIANS
One Tamilian is a fugitive sandalwood smuggler.
Two Tamilians is a suicide-bomb squad.
Three Tamilians is a classical music school.
Four Tamilians is a Jayalalitha fan club.
ANDHRAITES
One Andhraite is a cycle-rickshaw driver.
Two Andhraites is a spice shop.
Three Andhraites is a Naxalite outfit.
Four Andhraites is the Telugu film industry.
BENGALIS
One Bengali is a rosagulla shop.
Two Bengalis is a black-and-white movie.
Three Bengalis is a Mohun more...
Bin Laden is sitting with his son and they are watching the Twin Towers collapse.
His son asks him, "Dad, which film is this?" to which he replied, "Son, this isn't a film, this is a series."