Final Jokes / Recent Jokes

Two college basketball players were taking an important final exam. If they failed, they would be on academic probation and not allowed to play in the big game the following week. The exam was fill-in-the-blank.The last question read, "Old MacDonald had a ________."Bubba was stumped. He had no idea what to answer. But he knew he needed to get this one right to be sure he passed.Making sure the professor wasn't watching, he tapped Tiny on the shoulder. "Pssst. Tiny. What's the answer to the last question?"Tiny laughed. He looked around to make sure the professor hadn't noticed then he turned to Bubba. "Bubba, you're so stupid. Everyone knows Old MacDonald had a FARM.""Oh yeah," said Bubba. "I remember now."He picked up his No. 2 pencil and started to write the answer in the blank. He stopped. Tapping Tiny's shoulder again, he whispered, "Tiny, how do you spell farm?""You are really dumb, Bubba. That's so easy. Farm is more...

Dear Mr. Architect,

Please design and build me a house. I am not quite sure of what I need, so you should use your discretion.

My house should have between two and forty-five bedrooms. Just make sure the plans are such that the bedrooms can be easily added or deleted. When you bring the blueprints to me, I will make the final decision of what I want. Also, bring me the cost breakdown for each configuration so that I can arbitrarily pick one.

Keep in mind that the house I ultimately choose must cost less than the one I am currently living in. Make sure, however, that you correct all the deficiencies that exist in my current house (the floor of my kitchen vibrates when I walk across it, and the walls don`t have nearly enough insulation in them).

As you design, also keep in mind that I want to keep yearly maintenance costs as low as possible. This should mean the incorporation of extra-cost features like aluminum, vinyl, or composite siding. more...

The huge Air Canada Jumbo jet is just coming into Pearson Airport (Toronto) on its final approach. The pilot comes on over the intercom. "This is Capt. Johnson, we're on our final descent into Toronto. I want to thank you for flying with us today and enjoy your stay in Toronto".
Well the Capt. forgets to switch off the intercom. The whole plane can now hear the conversation from the cockpit.
The co-pilot says to the pilot "Well skipper, wotcha gonna do in Toronto?"
Now all ears in the plane are listening in to this conversation.
"Well", says the skipper, "First I'm gonna check into the hotel and go for a mega-huge dump. Then I'm gonna take that new stewardess out for supper, you know, the one with the huge tits.
I'm gonna wine and dine her, take her back to my room and slip the old salami to her all night".
Well, everyone in the plane's trying to get a look at the new stewardess. She's so embarrassed she runs from more...

A husband and wife are getting ready for bed one night, and he asks, "Honey, do you want to have sex tonight?"

"No," she replies.

"Is that your final answer?"

"Yes," she says, "that's my final answer."

The husband thinks carefully for a moment, then asks, "May I phone a friend?"

A professor of a Freshman Psychology course had a class of 400 students. His final exam was scheduled very early 8am-10am.

The professor told his students that his final was not a cumulative final and just covered the information since the last midterm, so in essence, the final was just like a midterm and would only require 1 hour of the 2 hour alloted time. The professor told the students to bring a large Blue Book (fyi: a Blue Book is a standard testing tool used throughout many universities. It's basically a thin 10 blank pages of college ruled notebook paper with a blue cover. They are purchased at the student book store.) The professor was adament that the students were only going to have 1 hour and not one minute more to complete the essay style exam.

The students requested the exam to begin at 9am instead of 8am since they only had an hour. The professor denied the request because the professor prefered to use the second hour to begin grading the exams. more...

One young man went for an ias interview.
When did india get independence? he was asked. the efforts began a few years earlier and final result was in 1947 he replied. who was responsible for our independence? there were so many. Whom to mention?. if i name one it will be a injustice to another. he replied. is corruption the number one enemy in our country? Some research is going on the subject and i can answer with certainly only after seeing the report he replied.

The interview board was very pleased with his original and thoughtful
Answers and asked him not to reveal the questions to others, since they

Were planning to ask the same questions. When he went out naturally
Others were curious to know what was asked. He politely declined, but
One persistent sardar would not leave him.

At least tell me the answers he pleaded, and our friend obliged. Then

It was the turn of this sardar. When he went inside, since his more...

A few months ago, there was an opening with theCIA for an assassin. These highly classified positions are hard to fill, and there's a lotof testing and background checks involved before you can even be considered for theposition. After sending some applicants through the background checks, training andtesting, they narrowed the possible choices down to two men and a woman, but only oneposition was available. The day came for the final test to see whichpeson would get the extremely secretive job. The CIA men administering the test took oneof the men to a large metal door and handed him a gun. "We must know that you willfollow our instructions whatever the circumstances," they explained. "Insidethis room, you will find your wife sitting in a chair. Take this gun and killher." The man looked horrified and said, "You can't beserious! I could never shoot my wife!" "Well," said theCIA man, "you're definitely not the right man for this job more...