Finals Jokes / Recent Jokes

'Twas the Night Before Finals
and all through the college,
the students were all praying,
for that last minute knowledge.
Most were quite sleepy,
but none touched their beds.
While visions of essays,
danced in their heads.
Out in the Taverns,
a few were still drinking.
And hoping that liquor
would loosen their thinking.
In my own apartment,
I had been pacing.
And dreading exams
that I would be facing.
My roomate was speechless,
His nose in the books.
And my comments to him,
drew unfriendly looks.
I drained all the coffee,
And brewed a new pot.
No longer caring,
that my nerves were all shot.
I stared at my notes,
but my thoughts were all muddy.
My eyes were a blur,
And I just couldn't study.
"Some pizza might help",
I said with a shiver.
But each place I called,
refused to deliver.
I'd nearly concluded
that life more...

The Detroit Red Wings are back in the Stanley Cup Finals. When asked what they thought of being in the Super Bowl of hockey, all of Detroit responded, "What's the Super Bowl?"

To the tune - by P ================================================
Yesterday,
all my finals seem Then I realized th Oh, how I long for yesterday.
Suddenly,
I no longer have th Now it's looking c Oh, finals came so suddenly.
I can
cram, alth it off today.
Come to-
morrow mo my knees and pray...
Yesterday,
This was such an eas Now my chops are all My jury's a half-hour away.
What I
have to show
I don't know,
the I'll spell
something wrong,. .. there goes my "A"...
Yesterday.
Thought of graduating Now it looks as though I' Oh, how I long for Yesterday.

Finals Scam: Revenge of the Profs. - from my Archive with thanks to Mike Lutz
The Finals Week item, with 50 things to do during a final you know you will flunk, inspires me to pass along this true story from RIT. Acknowledgements are due my colleague Ken Reek, and former graduate student Ed Ford, who together pulled the scam off with aplomb.
Several years ago, Ken was assigned two sections of a large service course taken primarily by business students. The final exam was multiple choice, and had a well-deserved reputation for being easy to cheat on (one proctor, 250-300 students). Ken was determined to plug this hole, at least for one term.
One nice thing about such a large class is that no student knows everyone else who is enrolled. Using this, Ken asked Ed to attend the final and pretend to take it like everyone else. Ken also told Ed to be as blatent as possible about cheating.
At the start of the exam, Ken announced that anyone caught cheating off another more...

It is not Lettermans - but hey I think I did a good job?
From the Home Office in Larchmont, NY the Top Ten Things Overheard in the Presidential Box During the College Basketball Finals:
"Oh, so you are saying that I should be rooting for the team in white?"
"Can we get some burgers and fries up here?"
"Sir, there are not enough people in this booth to do a wave"
"Actually, I have NO chance of re-election no matter who wins the game."
"I can't believe the shorts that these players are wearing; they should have stylish and practical shorts, like the ones that I jog in."
"I hope this doesn't go into overtime - I have Gennifer back in the White House - after all Hillary is away for a few days."
"IT just dawned on my, if Arkansas wins I have to bring all these hicks to the white house - GO DUKE!!!"
"No Sir I don't think Arkansas needs you to play defense for more...