Fireworks Jokes / Recent Jokes

Speaking of travels, I heard that when Marco Polo first opened the trade routes to China, he was quite impressed with their rockets. Now, these weren't quite the fireworks we now know, but they did shoot into the air, explode and make some pretty patterns. Strangely, no matter where he went, there were people who made fireworks, but he had trouble finding someone to demonstrate them for him. "Not here!" they said. It was very confusing. Until ol' Marc came upon an ancient military fortification at the community of Chu'Lai. Here, fireworks were launched every night, and Marc was very impressed! But still he wondered, "Why here?" At the end of every week, people came from great distances, bringing their own fireworks to launch. So Marco Polo asked his guide why everyone came here to launch their fireworks. Marc's guide replied, "Why honored sir, we always set off fireworks on the Forts of Chu'Lai."

I was staying in a large apartment park, where half the population of Seattle can be found in 5 square block. For the Chinese New Year, it is traditional for every family to light fireworks, All the people were on one side of the street and all the fireworks were done on the other side. Many images came to mind...
a. Take the most powerful fireworks mankind has ever made, give them to a bunch of 10 year old kids, and confine them to a space of 15 square feet.

b. About 1 in 10 fireworks would drift over into the crowd and blowup.

c. The Noise... roughly 1000 firecrackers going off per second, and 10x that going off from other places around the city. Imagine having a truck 2 feet behind you, beeping like crazy, and you not realize it until the driver gets out and tells you to move.

d. Crossing the Street, from the Crowd side to the Fireworks side is a once in a life time experience. You not only have to worry about 200 kids Fire-grenades coming your more...

1> For kicks, sticks roman candle in empty eye socket and chases kids around.

2> Insists on humming the "Mission Impossible" theme every time he lights a fuse.

3> He wants to know if he can "borrow" your dog for the finale.

4> Offers 20% discount if Salman Rushdie attends your event.

5> Tied a monkey to a skyrocket "so's I can get me a grant from NASA!"

6> Theme of the fireworks display: "The Jihad Against the Beer Swilling Pigs Begins"

7> He finally shows up on July 6th smelling like a refinery.

8> Big 4th of July show ends with 50-foot tall sparkling message: "Happy Bar Mitzvah, Howie Goldfarb."

9> Asks if he should shoot off Quaker Puffed Rice or Oats when the 1812 Overture begins.

10> The punk he keeps trying to light has orange hair and a nose ring.

11> Wants to synchronize the 4th of July display to Jimmy Buffett's more...

A local policeman had just finished his shift one cold November evening and was at home with his wife. "You just won't believe what happened this evening, in all my years on the force I've never seen anything like it."

"What happened?"

"I came across two guys down by the canal, one of them was drinking battery acid and the other was eating fireworks."

"Drinking battery acid and eating fireworks! What did you do with them?"

"Oh, that was easy. I charged one and let the other off."

A local policeman had just finished his shift one cold November evening and was at home with his wife.
"You just won't believe what happened this evening, in all my years on the force I've never seen anything like it."
"Oh yes dear, what happened?"
"I came across two guys down by the canal, one of them was drinking battery acid and the other was eating fireworks."
"Drinking battery acid and eating fireworks! What did you do with them?"
"Oh that was easy, I charged one and let the other off."