Fish Jokes / Recent Jokes
A duck walks in a bar and asks the bartender if he has any fish and the bartender says,"no." So the next day the duck walks into yhe bar and asks the bartender if he has any fish and the bartender says,"No, I told you that yesterday." Then the next day the duck walks into a bar and asks the bartender if he has any fish.
The bartender jumps up and says,"no, I don't have any fish.One more time you ask me I'm gonna nail your flipper to the bar!" The next day the duck walks into the bar and asks the bartender if he has any nails.
The bartender looks at him surprisingly and says, "no." "Well,"asks the duck,"do you have any fish?"
1. Log on: Make the wood stove hotter
2. Log off: Don't add no more wood
3. Monitor: Keep an eye on that wood stove
4. Download: Getting the firewood off the truck
5. Floppy Disk: What you fet from trying to carry to
much firewood
6. Ram: The thing that splits the firewood
7. Hard Drive: Getting home in the winter
8. Prompt: "Throw another log on the fire"
9. Window: What to shut when it's cold outside
10. Screen: What to shut in fly season
11. Byte: What flies do
12. Bit: What the flies did
13. Mega Byte: What BIG flies do
14. Chip: Munchies when monitoring
15. Micro Chip: What's left after you eat the chips
16. Modem: What you did to the hay fields
17. Dot Matrix: Old Dan Matrixs' wife
18. Lap top: Where kitty sleeps
19. Software: The dumb plastic knives and forks they
give you at the Big R
20. Hardware: Real stainless steel cutlery
21. Mouse: What eats the grain in the barn
22. more...
The American investment banker was at the pier of a small coastal Mexican village when a small boat with just one fisherman docked. Inside the small boat were several large yellow fin tuna. The American complimented the Mexican on the quality of his fish and asked how long it took to catch them. The Mexican replied, "Only a little while." The American then asked, "Why didn't you stay out longer and catch more fish?" The Mexican said, "With this I have more than enough to support my family's needs." The American then asked, "But what do you do with the rest of your time?" The Mexican fisherman said, "I sleep late, fish a little, play with my children, take siesta with my wife, Maria, stroll into the village each evening where I sip wine and play guitar with my amigos, I have a full and busy life." The American scoffed, "I am a Harvard MBA and could help you. You should spend more time fishing; and with the proceeds, buy a bigger more...
Which fish can perform operations? A Sturgeon! Where do little fishes go every morning? To plaice school! What fish goes up the river at 100mph? A motor pike! How could the dolphin afford to buy a house? He prawned everything! 1st kipper:' Smoking's bad for you' 2nd kipper:' It's OK, I've been cured' What kind of fish is useful in freezing weather? Skate! What do you call a fish with no eyes? Fsh! What lives in the ocean, is grouchy and hates neighbours? A hermit crab! What do you get from a bad-tempered shark? As far away as possible! Why did the whale cross the road? To get to the other tide!
What do you call an open can of tuna fish in a lesbian's apartment? Potpourri
The abbey in England that was a bit down at the heels and decided to open a roadside stand to pull in some tourist money.
The abbot decided that something typically English was called for, so he sent Brother Sebastian and Brother Thomas down to the road to open a Fish and Chips stand.
A wit came by and asked Brother Sebastian, "Are you the fish friar?"
"No, friend," answered Brother Sebastian, "I'm the chip monk."
Slightly Vulgar
While on a special outing to take care of the abbey's business, Brother Sebastian found himself one day in his car, down in the ditch, and there was no help for the motor that had given up the ghost, it seemed.
Along came another motorist who stopped and asked, "I say, what seems to be the matter?"
"Oh, piston broke," said the friar.
"So am I, but w'at's the matter with the cah?"