Fisherman Jokes / Recent Jokes
Standing at the edge of the lake, a man saw a woman flailing about in the deep water. Unable to swim, the man screamed for help. A trout fisherman ran up. The man said, "My wife is drowning and I can't swim. Please save her. I'll give you a hundred dollars."
The fisherman dove into the water. In ten powerful strokes, he reached the woman, put his arm around her, and swam back to shore. Depositing her at the feet of the man, the fisherman said, "Okay, where's my hundred?"
The man said, "Look, when I saw her going down for the third time, I thought it was my wife. But this is my mother-in-law."
The fisherman reached into his pocket and said, "Just my luck. How much do I owe you?"
A fisherman from the city was out fishing on a lake in a small boat.
He noticed another man in a small boat open his tackle box and take out a mirror. Being curious the man rowed over and asked, "What is the mirror for?""That's my secret way to catch fish," said the other man. "Shine the mirror on the top of the water. The fish notice the spot of sun on the water above and they swim to the surface. Then I just reach down and net them and pull them into the boat.""Wow! Does that really work?""You bet it does.""Would you be interested in selling that mirror? I'll give you $30 for it.""Well, okay."After the money was transferred, the city fisherman asked, "By the way, how many fish have you caught this week?""You're the sixth," he said.
Three blonde fishermen are sitting by the side of a river holding fishing poles with the lines in the water.
A Game Warden comes up behind them, taps them on the shoulder and says, "Excuse me, I'd like to see your fishing licenses."
"We don't have any," replied the first fisherman.
"Well, if your going to fish, you need fishing licenses," said the Game Warden.
"But officer," replied the second fisherman, "we aren't fishing. We all have magnets at the end of our lines and we're collecting debris off the bottom of the river."
The Game Warden lifted up all the lines and, sure enough, there were horseshoe magnets tied on the end of each line.
"Well, I know of no law against it," said the Game Warden, "take all the debris you want."
And with that, the Game Warden left.
As soon as the Game Warden was out of sight, the three fishermen started laughing hysterically.
"What a dumb Fish more...
Having arived at the edge of the river, the fisherman soon realized he had forgotten to bring any bait.
Just then he happened to see a little snake passing by who had caught a worm. The fisherman snatched up the snake and robbed him of his worm.
Feeling sorry for the little snake with no lunch, he snatched him up again and poured a little beer down his throat and went about his fishing.
An hour or so later the fisherman felt a tug at his pantleg. Looking down, he saw the same snake with three more worms in his mouth...
Three guys, one Irish, one English, and one Scottish, are out walking along the beach together one day. They come across a lantern and a Genie pops out of it. "I will give you each one wish, that's three wishes in total", says the Genie.The Scottish guy says, "I am a fisherman, my Dad's a fisherman, his Dad was a fisherman and my son will be one too. I want all the oceans full of fish for all eternity." So, with a blink of the Genie's eye FOOM! the oceans were teaming with fish. The Englishman was amazed, so he said, "I want a wall around England, protecting her, so that no one will get in for all eternity."Again, with a blink of the Genie's eye POOF! there was a huge wall around England.The Irishman asks, "I'm very curious. Please tell me more about this wall." The Genie explains, "well, it's about 150 feet high, 50 feet thick, protecting England so that nothing can get in or out."The Irishman says, "Fill it up with water."
The American investment banker was at the pier of a small coastal Mexican village when a small boat with just one fisherman docked. Inside the small boat were several large yellow fin tuna.
The American complimented the Mexican on the quality of his fish and asked how long it took to catch them.
The Mexican replied, "Only a little while."
The American then asked, "Why didn't you stay out longer and catch more fish?"
The Mexican said, "With this I have more than enough to support my family's needs."
The American then asked, "But what do you do with the rest of your time?"
The Mexican fisherman said, "I sleep late, fish a little, play with my children, take siesta with my wife, Maria, stroll into the village each evening where I sip wine and play guitar with my amigos, I have a full and busy life."
The American scoffed, "I am a Harvard MBA and could help you.
You should spend more time more...