Fix Jokes / Recent Jokes
A farmer drives across his field one day in his tractor, when half ways across the field the tractor breaks down. "Damn it" he said.
He sees his wife in the farm yard feeding the chickens, he catches her attention and shouts to her and signals with his hand that he needs a pair of pliers to fix the engine in his tractor.
His wife cannot hear him and raises her arms in the air to indicate this. The farmers shouts over again louder this time and signals with his hand that he needs a pair of pliers to fix his tractor.
This carries on for a while with the farmer and his wife until eventually she makes out what he is saying.
As soon as she realized what he was saying she signaled back. She put both hands on her breasts, then on her crotch and then on her backside.
The farmer looked at her with a very puzzled stare, he couldn't believe what she was doing. His wife repeated this over and over until eventually the farmer gave up more...
Some of these are EXTREMELY offensive. Women who are sensitive
should
probably skip this. Why women!? Any FCP or men too!!
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1. What's the difference between a pussy and a cunt? A pussy is warm
and moist. A cunt is what owns it.
2. What's a clitoris? A female hood ornament.
3. What's the only bad thing about the 69 position? The view.
4. Why do men fart more than women? Because women won't shut up long
enough to build up pressure.
5. Why did cave men drag their women around by the hair? Because if
you drag them around by the feet they fill up with dirt.
6. Why did god give men penises? So we'd always have at least one
way to shut a woman up!
7. What's the difference between your paycheck and your dick? You
don't have to beg a woman to blow your paycheck.
8. How is a woman like a laxative? They both irritate the shit out of you.
9. more...
A drunk walks into a bar one night and reads a sign on the wall that says "Ask me about our contest".
"What's this about your contest?" the drunk queried.
"Oh yeah," the bartender said, "we have this contest going. If you can hit the bull's eye three times in a row, you win a prize."
"I think I might try your contest," the drunk replied. "Give me a drink."
So the bartender fixes him a drink, the man glugs it down, and throws the dart. BANG! It hits the bull's eye.
"Fix me two drinks!" the drunk says. The bartender complies. The man throws a second dart and BAM! it hits the bull's eye.
"Wow! Nobody's ever done two before!" the bartender cried in awe.
"Yeah, well fix me three drinks!" the man says, and the bartender does. BAM! a third dart hits the bull's eye. By this point, the man is sloppy drunk. "What do I more...
Revision codes
Once you start playing with software you quickly become aware that each software package has a revision code attached to it. It is obvious that this revision code gives the sequence of changes to the product, but in reality there’s substantially more information available through the rev-code than that. This article provides a guide for interpreting the meaning of the revision codes and what they actually signify.
1. 0: Also known as “one point uh-oh”, or”barely out of beta”. We had to release because the lab guys had reached a point of exhaustion and the marketing guys were in a cold sweat of terror. We’re praying that you’ll find it more functional than, say, a computer virus and that its operation has some resemblance to that specified in the marketing copy.
1. 1: We fixed all the killer bugs …
1. 2: Uh, we introduced a few new bugs fixing the killer bugs and so we had to fix them, too.
2. 0: We did the product we really more...
How do you fix a woman's watch? - It doesn't matter. There is a clock on the oven.