Fix Jokes / Recent Jokes

How do you fix a womans watch? - It doesnt matter. There is a clock on the oven.

A woman could never get her husband to do anything around the house. He would come home from work, sit in front of the tv,
eat dinner, and sit some more--would never do those little household repairs that most husbands take care of. This frustrated
the woman quite a bit.
One day the toilet stopped up. When her husband got home, she said sweetly, "Honey, the toilet is clogged. Would you look at
it?" Her husband snarled, "What do I look like? The tidy-bowl man?" and sat down on the sofa.
The next day, the garbage disposal wouldn't work. When her husband got home, she said, very nicely, "Honey, the disposal
won't work. Would you try to fix it for me?" Once again, he growled, "What do I look like? Mr. Plumber?"
The next day, the washing machine was on the blink. When her husband got home, she steeled her courage and said, "Honey,
the washer isn't running. Would you check on it?" And again was met more...

This woman has her bridge club every Thursday night. After a peaceful game or two with the ladies, she goes home to fix her husband dinner when he gets home from work. One Thursday, she's playing a great game and she has an incredible hand when she notices the time.' Oh, no! I have to go fix my husband his dinner! He's going to be so angry if it's not ready on time.' She dashes out of her friend's house; her great hand forgotten on the table.

When she gets home, she realizes she has very little time. There is enough time to go to the supermarket and all she has in the cupboard is a wilted lettuce leaf, an egg and a can of cat food. In a panic, she opens the can of cat food, stirs in the egg, and garnishes it with the lettuce leaf, just as her husband is pulling up. She watches in horror as he sits down to his dinner, and then she realizes he is loving it!

'Mmmm, darling, this is the best dinner you have made for me in forty years of marriage. You can make this more...

Major bug with VB-TP during compilation
REDMOND, WA (APR. 30) BUSINESS WIRE - Microsoft Corp. announced today that if you thought about the program at all before creating the EXE file, it would fail.
Instead you need to carefully think of only the file name and the concept of compilation in order to get it to compile correctly. It seems that the design mode environment does not clean up after all the stray thoughts.
MS technical support is recommending taking a cold shower during file compilation in order to remain distracted enough for it to work correctly. As an interim bug fix, all VB packages are currently being shipped with a towel.
Reports of users getting severe migraines when double-clicking too often with the MindMouse are unconfirmed. As an interim bug fix, all MindMouse double-clicks should be performed with Metallica playing in the background.
Aluminum foil around the head seems to work, but it doesn't look too attractive. It also adds a whole new more...

In order to streamline the handling of problems within the system. Please fill out the following questionnaire before sending it in for Help. With your co-operation we should be able to provide faster and more efficient fault resolution.
COMPUTER PROBLEM REPORT FORM
1. Describe your problem:
______________________________________________________
2. Now, describe the problem accurately:
______________________________________________________
3. Speculate wildly about the cause of the problem:
______________________________________________________
______________________________________________________
____________________________-_________________________
4. Problem Severity:
A. Minor__
B. Minor__
C. Minor__
D. Trivial__

5. Nature of the problem:
A. Locked Up__
B. Frozen__
C. Hung__
D. Shot__

6. Is your computer plugged in? Yes__ No__

7. Is it turned on? Yes__ more...

When working hard, be sure to get up and retch every so often.
When working on a project, if you put away a tool that you’re you’re finished with, you will need it instantly.
When working toward the solution of a problem, it always helps if you know the answer, provided of course you know that there is a problem.
When you are confronted by any complex social system, such as an urban center or a hamster, with things about it that you’re dissatisfied with and anxious to fix, you cannot just step in and set about fixing with much hope of helping. This realization is one of the sore discouragements of our century. Jay Forrester has demonstrated it mathematically, with his computer models of cities in which he makes clear that whatever you propose to do, based on common sense, will almost inevitably make matters worse rather than better. You cannot meddle with one part of a complex system from the outside without the almost risk of setting off disastrous events that more...

Q: What's the difference between cricketers and condoms?
A: Cricketers drop the catches and condoms catches the drops.
Q: What is the difference between riding a bicycle and a woman?
A: Riding a bicycle you fix your ass & move your legs, riding a woman you fix your legs & move your ass.
Q: What makes a happy man?
A: Daughter is on the cover of Vogue, son on the cover of Sports llustrated, mistress on the cover of Playboy and wife on the cover of Missing persons.
Q: What three things are common between the sun and woman's underwear?
A: Both are hot, both look better while going down and both dissappear at night.
Q: Why do men ask for a woman's hand in marriage?
A: Because they are tired of using their own.
Q: What's common between men and video?
A: Both go backward... forward... backward... forward... backward.... forward... stop and eject.
Q: What is the closest thing similar to a woman's period?
A: Your salary, it comes more...