Flashlight Jokes / Recent Jokes

*Take his nightstick and play whack-a-mole with his head
*Ask the cop if you can use his pepper spray to "spice up" your takeout *
*Take his flashlight and play flashlight tag with yourself.
*When he walks up to you, look at his gut and say "I thought you had to be physically fit to be a cop."
*Draw happy faces on all the pages in his ticket book.
*Ask if his bullet-proof vest would protect him from projectile vomiting.
*Ask him if you can take his squad car out for a joy-ride.
*When he ask you for your licence say, "Oh sure officer, I could reach it if you'd hold my beer."
*Explain speeding with, "See officer, I was driving along when I droped my bag of crack. I tried to pick it up but, when I did, my gun fell and jammed my foot against the gas pedal."
*Lie on the ground and aks him to draw your outline in chalk.
*Tell him you wanted to be a cop but decided to graduate high school more...

A blonde and a redhead were on an airplane when the engine blew and they were heading into a crash. Looking around inside the plane, they could only find one parachute and a flashlight.
The redhead quickly grabbed the parachute and the flashlight and said to the blonde, "Ok, this is a magic flashlight. I'll shine it on the ground and you can slide down the beam of light. Then, I'll follow you with the parachute."
The blonde looked at her skeptically and said, "Do you really think I'm that dumb? I know that as soon as I'm halfway down, you're going to turn it off!"

A flashlight is basically a tin can for transporting dead batteries.

(Disclaimer-Some of this stuff is illegal.)
*Take his nightstick and play whack-a-mole with his head *Ask the cop if you can use his pepper spray to "spice up" your takeout * *Take his flashlight and play flashlight tag with yourself. *When he walks up to you, look at his gut and say "I thought you had to be physically fit to be a cop."*Draw happy faces on all the pages in his ticket book. *Ask if his bullet-proof vest would protect him from projectile vomiting.*Ask him if you can take his squad car out for a joy-ride. *When he ask you for your licence say, "Oh sure officer, I could reach it if you'd hold my beer." *Explain speeding with, "See officer, I was driving along when I droped my bag of crack. I tried to pick it up but, when I did, my gun fell and jammed my foot against the gas pedal."*Lie on the ground and aks him to draw your outline in chalk. *Tell him you wanted to be a cop but decided to graduate high school instead.*Ask him more...

A New York boy was being led through the swamps of Louisiana by his cousin. "Is it true that an alligator won'tattack you if you carry a flashlight?"The cousin smirked and replied, "Depends on how fast yacarry the flashlight."

A burglar had been casing a particular house for some time. Finally, he saw the owners leave for what appeared to be an extended camping trip. That night he broke in through a basement window and was trying to find his way in the dark when he heard what seemed to him to be the voice of a very old woman saying, "Shame on you! I see you, and Jesus sees you!"

Startled, the burglar snarls back, "Shut up, Grandma, or you're gonna get hurt!" He shines his flashlight all around, but no Grandma.

Again the voice, "Shame on you! I see you, and Jesus sees you!" Finally, the beam of the flashlight finds a large cage and in it a pretty upset parrot. Relieved, the burglar turns back around and starts toward the stairs, only to spot an enormous slavering doberman waiting at the top.

Just then the parrot screams, "Sic' em, Jesus!"