Flavor Jokes / Recent Jokes

A man was doing a study of children's senses in a first-grade class using a bowl of Lifesavers. He gave the children all the same kind of Lifesaver and asked them, "What is the flavor, and what color is it?" The children began to say, "Red. . . cherry. . . yellow. . . lemon. . . lime. . . green. . . orange. . . orange."

Finally, he gave them all honey Lifesavers. The children suck on them for a while, but can't decipher the taste. "Well," he said, "I'll give you a clue. It's what your mother would call your father."

One little girl looked up in horror, spit hers out, and yelled: "Everybody spit it out, they're assholes!"

Most diets fail because we are still thinking and eating like people. For those us who have never had any success dieting, now there is the new Cat Miracle Diet!

Most cats are long and lean (or tiny and petite). The Cat Miracle Diet will help you achieve the same lean, svelte figure. Just follow this diet for 4 days and you'll find that you not only look and feel better, but you will have a whole new outlook on what constitutes food. Good Luck!

DAY ONE

Breakfast: Open can of expensive gourmet cat food. Any flavor as long as it cost more the. 75 per can -- and place 1/4 cup on your plate. Eat 1 bite of food; look around room disdainfully. Knock the rest on the floor. Stare at the wall for awhile before stalking off into the other room.

Lunch: Four blades of grass and one lizard tail. Throw it back up on the cleanest carpet in your house.

Dinner: Catch a moth and play with it until it is almost dead. Eat one wing. Leave the rest to more...

"Can you help me? asked Alice." No," said Negative. "I'm looking for a white consultant." Alice pointed in the direction she had been walking. "Did he go this way?" she asked. "No," said Negative. She pointed the other way. "Yes," said Positive. Soon Alice came upon a large brown table. The Consultant was there, as was an apparently Mad Hacker, and several creatures that Alice did not recognize. In one corner sat a Dormouse fast asleep. Over the table was a large sign that read "UNIX Conference." Everyone except the Dormouse was holding a paper cup, from which they were sampling what appeared to be custard. "Wrong flavor," they all declared as they passed the cup the cup to the creature on their right and graciously took the one being offered on their left. Alice watched them repeat this ritual three or four times before she approached and sat down. Immediately, a large toad leaped into her lap and looked at more...

Most diets fail because we are still thinking and eating like people. For those us who have never had any success dieting. Well now there is the new Miracle Cat Diet! This diet will also work on humans! Except for cats that eat like people - such as getting lots of table scraps - most cats are long and lean (or tiny and petite). the Cat Miracle Diet will help you achieve the same lean, svelte figure. Just follow this diet for one week and you'll find that you not only look and feel better, but you will have a whole new outlook on what constitutes food. Good Luck!
DAY ONE
Breakfast: Open can of expensive gourmet cat food. Any flavor as long as it cost more the .75 per can - and place 1/4 cup on your plate. Eat 1 bite of food; look around room disdainfully. Knock the rest on the floor. Stare at the wall for awhile before stalking off into the other room.
Lunch: Four blades of grass and one lizard tail. Throw it back up on the cleanest carpet in your house.
Dinner: Catch more...

Most diets fail because we are still thinking and eating like people. For those us who have never had any success dieting. Well now there is the new Miracle Cat Diet! This diet will also work on humans! Except for cats that eat like people - such as getting lots of table scraps - most cats are long and lean (or tiny and petite). the Cat Miracle Diet will help you achieve the same lean, svelte figure. Just follow this diet for one week and you'll find that you not only look and feel better, but you will have a whole new outlook on what constitutes food. Good Luck! DAY ONE Breakfast: Open can of expensive gourmet cat food. Any flavor as long as it cost more the .75 per can - and place 1/4 cup on your plate. Eat 1 bite of food; look around room disdainfully. Knock the rest on the floor. Stare at the wall for awhile before stalking off into the other room. Lunch: Four blades of grass and one lizard tail. Throw it back up on the cleanest carpet in your house. Dinner: Catch a moth and play more...

Meeter's Kraut Juice (Stokely USA): Yes, that's sauerkraut juice, which is even worse than it sounds. The taste and smell can be a bit, well, harsh, but KJ is reputed by its fans to have certain medicinal benefits (as a source of vitamin C, cure for intestinal bugs, etc.), which adds up to a classic case of the cure being worse than the disease.
Guycan Corned Mutton with Juices Added (Bedessee Imports): The best thing about this Uruguayan canned good is the very pouty-looking sheep on the package label - he seems to be saying, "Go on, eat me already." The second-best thing is the presence of both "cooked mutton" and "mutton" in the ingredients listing, which would seem to have all the mutton bases covered.
Armour Pork Brains in Milk Gravy (Dial Corp.): If you're really looking to clog up those arteries in a hurry, you'll be pleased to learn that a single serving of pork brains has 1,170 percent of our recommended daily cholesterol intake. All the more...

Can you help me? asked Alice.No," said Negative. "I'm looking for a white consultant." Alice pointed in the direction she had been walking. "Did he go this way?" she asked. "No," said Negative. She pointed the other way. "Yes," said Positive. Soon Alice came upon a large brown table. The Consultant was there, as was an apparently Mad Hacker, and several creatures that Alice did not recognize. In one corner sat a Dormouse fast asleep. Over the table was a large sign that read "UNIX Conference." Everyone except the Dormouse was holding a paper cup, from which they were sampling what appeared to be custard. "Wrong flavor," they all declared as they passed the cup the cup to the creature on their right and graciously took the one being offered on their left. Alice watched them repeat this ritual three or four times before she approached and sat down. Immediately, a large toad leaped into her lap and looked at her as if it more...