Flesh Jokes

Most of you have read the scare-mail about the person whose kidneys were
stolen while he was passed out. While that was an "urban legend," this one
is not. It's happening every day. I'm sending this "warning" only to a few
of my closest friends.
My thighs were stolen from me during the night of August 3rd a few years
ago. It was just that quick. I went to sleep in my body and woke up with
someone else's thighs. The new ones had the texture of cooked oatmeal. Who
would have done such a cruel thing to legs that had been wholly, if
imperfectly, mine for years? Whose thighs were these? What happened to
mine? I spent the entire summer looking for them. I searched, in vain, at
pools and beaches, anywhere I might find female limbs exposed. I became
obsessed. I had nightmares filled with cellulite and flesh that turns to
bumps in the night. Finally, hurt and angry, I resigned myself to living
out my life in jeans and more...

1. Take off clothing and place it in sectioned laundry hamper according to lights and darks. 2. Walk to bathroom wearing long dressing gown. If you see your boyfriend/husband along the way, cover up any exposed flesh and rush to bathroom. 3. Look at your womanly physique in the mirror and stick out your gut so that you can complain and whine even more about how you're getting fat. 4. Get in the shower. Look for facecloth, arm cloth, leg cloth, long loofah, wide loofah and pumice stone. 5. Wash your hair once with cucumber and lamfrey shampoo with 83 added vitamins. 6. Wash your hair again with cucumber and aloe vera shampoo with 83 added vitamins. 7. Condition your hair with cucumber and aloe vera conditioner enhanced with natural crocus oil. Leave on hair for 15 minutes. 8. Wash your face with crushed apricot facial scrub for 10 minutes until red raw. 9. Wash entire rest of body with ginger nut and jaffa cake body wash. 10. Rinse conditioner off hair (this takes at least 15 minutes more...

Eleazer Bokar appeared at the gates of Heaven and knocked for admittance. The great doors slowly swung open and the patriach Abraham stepped out, blowing his golden trumpet. When he had finished the welcoming concerto, he turned to Eleazer and said, "Greetings, blood of my blood and flesh of my flesh. God awaits you."
Recovering from the awesome splendor of this type of welcome, Eleazer quickly replied, "Father Abraham, I am ready to meet our God," and stepped forward to enter the celestial portals.
"Wait, my brother," said Abraham, halting Eleazer with an imperiously, upraised palm. "Before entering God's Kingdom, you must first prove that you are worthy of the honor."
"But how can I prove my worthiness," queried Eleazer.
"You must show that, at least once in your mortal life, you displayed outstanding courage. Can you recall one unquestionably brave deed?"
Eleazer's face brightened as he said, more...

How To Shower Like A Woman...
* Take off clothing and place it in sectional laundry hamper according
to lights and darks.
* Walk to bathroom wearing long bathrobe. If you see your
boyfriend/husband along the way, cover up any exposed flesh and rush
to the bathroom.
* Look at your womanly physique in the mirror and stick out your gut
so that you can complain and whine even more about how you're getting
fat.
* Get in shower. Look for face-cloth, arm-cloth, leg-cloth, long
loofah, wide loofah and pumice stone.
* Wash you hair once with Cucumber and Lamfrey shampoo with 83 added
vitamins.
* Wash your hair again with Cucumber and Lamfrey shampoo with 83 added
vitamins.
* Condition your hair with Cucumber and Lamfrey conditioner enhanced
with natural crocus oil. Leave on for 15 minutes.
* Wash your face with crushed apricot facial scrub for 10 minutes
until red and raw.
* Wash entire rest of body more...

Bobby Zimmerman went to the drugstore to purchase an aphrodesiac. Explaining that he had two young ladies coming to visit that night, Bob was delighted when the pharmacist gave him the most powerful love stimulant on the market.
The next day, Bob showed up again at the drugstore and asked the pharmacist if he had anything to soothe raw flesh.
The Pharmacist winked knowingly, "Your penis, sir?"
"No," he replied, "my hand. The girls never showed up."