"Missing In Action: My Body" joke

Most of you have read the scare-mail about the person whose kidneys were
stolen while he was passed out. While that was an "urban legend," this one
is not. It's happening every day. I'm sending this "warning" only to a few
of my closest friends.
My thighs were stolen from me during the night of August 3rd a few years
ago. It was just that quick. I went to sleep in my body and woke up with
someone else's thighs. The new ones had the texture of cooked oatmeal. Who
would have done such a cruel thing to legs that had been wholly, if
imperfectly, mine for years? Whose thighs were these? What happened to
mine? I spent the entire summer looking for them. I searched, in vain, at
pools and beaches, anywhere I might find female limbs exposed. I became
obsessed. I had nightmares filled with cellulite and flesh that turns to
bumps in the night. Finally, hurt and angry, I resigned myself to living
out my life in jeans and Sheer Energy pantyhose.
Then, just when my guard
was down, the thieves struck again. My rear end was next. I knew it was
the same gang, because they took pains to match my new rear end (although
badly attached at least three inches lower than the original) to the thighs
they had stuck me with earlier. Now my rear complemented my legs, lump for
lump. Frantic, I prayed that long skirts would stay in fashion.
Two years ago I realized my arms had been switched. One morning while
fixing my hair, I watched, horrified but fascinated, as the flesh of my
upper arms swung to and fro with the motion of the hairbrush. This was
really getting scary. My body was being replaced, cleverly and fiendishly,
one section at a time. In the end, in deepening despair, I gave up my
T-shirts.
What could they do to me next? Age? Age had nothing to do with it. Age
was supposed to creep up, unnoticed and intangible, something like
maturity. NO, I was being attacked, repeatedly and without warning.
That's why I've decided to share my story; I can't take on the medical
profession by myself.
Women of America, wake up and smell the coffee! That isn't really
"plastic" those surgeons are using. You know where they're getting those
replacement parts, don't you? The next time you suspect someone has had a
face "lifted," look again! Was it lifted from you? Check out those tummy
tucks and buttocks raisings. Look familiar? Are those your eyelids on
that movie star? I think I finally may have found my thighs... and I
hope that Cindy Crawford paid a really good price for them!
This is NOT a hoax! This is happening to women in every town every night.
Warn your friends.