Flood Jokes / Recent Jokes

A lawyer and an engineer were fishing in the Caribbean. The lawyer said "I'm here because my house burned down and everything I owned was destroyed by the fire. The insurance company paid for everything."

"That's quite a coincidence," said the engineer, "I'm here because my house and all my belongings were destroyed by a flood, and my insurance company also paid for everything."

The lawyer looked somewhat confused. "How do you start a flood?" he asked.

And the Lord spoke to Noah and said: "In six months I'm going to make it rain until the whole earth is covered with water and all the evil people are destroyed. But I want to save a few good people, and two of every kind of living thing on the planet. I am ordering you to build Me an Ark," said the Lord.
And in a flash of lightning He delivered the specifications for an Ark.
"OK," said Noah, trembling in fear and fumbling with the blueprints. "Six months, and it starts to rain" thundered the Lord. "You'd better have my Ark completed, or learn how to swim for a very long time."
And six months passed.
The skies began to cloud up and rain began to fall. The Lord saw that Noah was sitting in his front yard, weeping.
And there was no Ark.
"Noah," shouted the Lord, "where is my Ark?" A lightning bolt crashed into the ground next to Noah, for emphasis.
"Lord, please forgive me," begged more...

And the Lord spoke to Noah and said, "In one year, I am going to make it rain and cover the whole earth with water until all flesh is destroyed. But I want you to save the righteous people and two of every kind of living thing on the earth. Therefore, I am commanding you to build an Ark." In a flash of lightening, God delivered the specifications for an Ark. In fear and trembling, Noah took the plans and agreed to build the Ark. "Remember," said the Lord, "you must complete the Ark and bring everything aboard in one year." Exactly one year later, fierce storm clouds covered the earth and all the seas of the earth went into a tumult. The Lord saw Noah was sitting in his front yard weeping. "Noah," shouted the Lord, "where is the Ark?" "Lord, please forgive me! cried Noah. "I did my best, but there were big problems. First I had to get a permit for construction, and your plans did not comply with the codes. I had to hire an more...

Scientists predicted that a flood would come and totally flood the earth.
So...
The Pope said to the catholics: "Pray and meditate on Gods word".
The Head Buddhist said: "Contemplate and you will reach nirvana".
Then the head Rabbi said: "My fellow Jews, we have three days to learn how to breath under water".

Did you know their making a movie about the Grand Forks Flood? It's called, 'A River Runs Over It.'

And the Lord spoke to Noah and said, "In six months I'm going to make it rain until the whole earth is covered with water and all the evil people are destroyed. But I want to save a few good people, and two of every kind of living thing on the planet. I am commanding you to build an Ark." And in a flash of lightning, He delivered the specifications for an Ark, "Okay," said Noah, trembling with fear and fumbling with the blueprints.
"Six months and it starts to rain," thundered the Lord. "You'd better have the Ark completed, or learn to swim for a very long time."
Six months passed, the skies clouded up and rain began to fall. The Lord saw that Noah was sitting in his front yard, weeping. And there was no Ark. "Noah!" shouted the Lord, "Where is the Ark?" "Lord, please forgive me!" begged Noah. "I did my best. But there were big problems. First, I had to get a building permit for the Ark construction more...

Two Jewish businessmen meet in the street. "Well, Morrie, how's your warehouse business going?". "Oy vey, Abraham, it's not going so good, we had a flood last week." "So, Morrie," whispers Abraham "How do you start a flood?".