Florida Jokes / Recent Jokes

A man was walking along a Florida beach and stumbled across an old lamp. He picked it up and rubbed it, and out popped a genie. The genie said, "OK, You released me from the lamp, blah blah blah. This is the fourth time this month, and I'm getting a little sick of these wishes so you can forget about three... You only get one wish!"The man sat, and thought about it for a while and said, "I've always wanted to go to Hawaii, but I'm scared to fly, and I get very seasick. Could you build me a bridge to Hawaii so I can drive over there to visit?" The genie laughed and said, "That's impossible!!! Think of the logistics of that! How would the supports ever reach the bottom of the Pacific? Think of how much concrete -- how much steel!! No, think of another wish." The man said, "OK, I'll try to think of a really good wish." Finally, he said, "I've been married and divorced four times. My wives always said that I don't care and that I'm insensitive. more...

An Illinois man left the snow filled streets of Chicago for a vacation in Florida.
His wife was on a trip and was planning to meet him there the next day.
When he reached his motel in Florida, he decided to send his wife a quick e-mail.
Unable to find the scrap of paper on which he had written her e-mail address, he did his best to type it in from memory. Unfortunately, he missed one letter and his note was directed instead to an elderly preacher's wife whose husband had passed away only the day before.
When the grieving widow checked her e-mail, she took one look at the monitor, she let out a piercing scream, and fell to the floor in a total faint.
At the sound, her family rushed into the room and saw this note on the screen:
DEAREST WIFE: JUST GOT CHECKED IN. EVERYTHING PREPARED FOR YOUR ARRIVAL TOMORROW. P.S. SURE IS HOT DOWN HERE!!

These are actual sports quotes said by various people throughout the world.

Oiler coach Bum Phillips: When asked by Bob Costas why he takes his wife on all the road trips, Phillips responded, "Because she is too ugly to kiss goodbye."

New Orleans Saint RB George Rogers when asked about the upcoming season:"I want to rush for 1, 000 or 1, 500 yards, whichever comes first."

And, upon hearing Joe Jacoby of the' Skins say "I'd run over my own mother to win the Super Bowl," Matt Millen of the Raiders said, "To win, I'd run over Joe's mom too."

Football commentator and former player Joe Theismann 1996: "Nobody in football should be called a genius. A genius is a guy like Norman Einstein."

Senior basketball player at the University of Pittsburgh: "I'm going to graduate on time, no matter how long it takes." Bill Peterson, a Florida State football coach: "You guys line up more...

Florida Governor Jeb Bush's official portrait shows him with a picture of his family and his BlackBerry.
Bush is sometimes referred to as the first "e-governor" due to his extensive use of the device.

The governor said that as a result of his direct contact with voters, Floridians are generally more hopeful and optimistic. He did concede that the optimism could be due to Florida's use of term limits.

State party officials are concerned about a breaking scandal. Despite the official portrait, the governor is rumored to have been seen using other hand-held devices.

New "pro-life" pharmacies are opening up, designed to appeal to conservatives. They won't stock any contraceptives, but expect to find plenty of Rush Limbaugh-endorsed Vicodin, along with Mark Foley's favorite water-based lubricant.

Alabama leaped over Florida in the Top 25 AP Poll. Urban Meyer said he hasn't been treated this unfairly since his mom named him.

October 9 - October 15
"I think the most appropriate way to celebrate would be with a young Italian boy."

-Former Florida Representative Mark Foley, when asked about his plans for Columbus Day.