Fly Jokes / Recent Jokes
Once upon a time, there was a non-conforming sparrow who decided not to fly south for the winter. However, soon the weather turned so cold that he reluctantly started to fly south. In a short time, ice began to form on his wings and he fell to earth in a barnyard, almost frozen. A cow passed by and crapped on the little sparrow. The sparrow thought it was the end. But, the manure warmed him and defrosted his wings. Warm and happy, able to breathe, he started to sing. Just then a large cat came by and, hearing the chirping, investigated the sounds. The cat cleared away the manure, found the chirping bird and promptly ate him. The moral of the story: 1. Everyone who craps on you is not necessarily your enemy. 2. Everyone who gets you out of the crap is not necessarily your friend. 3. And, if you're warm and happy in a pile of crap, keep your mouth shut.
During a traffic stop a police officer is swatting at a fly that is circling around his head, and blurts out what kind of dang fly is that anyhow.
The traffic offender replies, "that's a circle fly."
The officer replies that he's never heard of a "circle fly."
The offender replies circle flies are usually found circling around a horses @$$.
Enraged, the police officer says, "are you calling me a horses @$$?", to which the traffic offender replied, "no sir, but you can't fool a circle fly."
Patron: Waiter!
Waiter: Hi, my name is Bill, and I'll be your Support Waiter. What seems to be the problem?
Patron: There's a fly in my soup!
Waiter: Try again, maybe the fly won't be there this time.
Patron: No, it's still there.
Waiter: Maybe it's the way you're using the soup; try eating it with a fork instead.
Patron: Even when I use the fork, the fly is still there.
Waiter: Maybe the soup is incompatible with the bowl; what kind of bowl are you using?
Patron: A SOUP bowl!
Waiter: Hmmm, that should work. Maybe it's a configuration problem; how was the bowl set up?
Patron: You brought it to me on a saucer; what has that to do with the fly in my soup?!
Waiter: Can you remember everything you did before you noticed the fly in your soup?
Patron: I sat down and ordered the Soup of the Day!
Waiter: Have you considered upgrading to the latest Soup more...
There are three bees in a jar. A girl bee, and 2 guy bees!
One of the guy bees goes up to the girl bee and says:
"how do you get out of the jar?"
She says:
" fuck me and I will tell you"
so he does and she says:
" fly to the top of the jar really fast and knock the cap off"
and he does it hits his head and dies.
The next bee comes to her and asks:
"how do you get out of the jar?"
She says:
" fuck me and I will tell you"
so he does and she says:
" fly to the top of the jar really fast and knock the cap off"
and he does it hits his head and dies.
How did she get out of the jar?
fuck me and I'll tell you!!!!!!
A woman is out looking for a pet, and so she's trying the local pet shops. She walks into a small pet shop and explains her need to the attendant. He thinks for a moment and then says, "I've got just the thing for you madam. I'll just get him." With that, he disappears into the back of the shop, and returns a few seconds later with a cute little puppy. "This dog is a special dog," he tells her. "It is able to fly," he explains, and with that throws the dog into the air. It immediately begins to float gracefully around the shop. "There is one problem with him, however. Whenever you say' my', he'll eat whatever you've mentioned. Watch. "My apple!" The lady watches in astonishment as the dog zooms over to the shop attendant and furiously devours an apple he has produced from his pocket. "He's cute, and so unusual. I'll take him," she says, and a few minutes later she is on her way back home with dog to show her husband. more...
An office manager hires a new secretary. Her first day she's called into the office to take some dictation. While she's taking dictation, she notices the guy's fly is open. Not wanting to embarass her boss she says nothing until she's leaving.
At the door, she turns and says "By the way sir, your barracks door is open." He looks at her funny but she's already walked out.
A while later he happens to glance down and notice his fly is open. He decides to have a little fun with her on her first day so he calls her back into the office.
"By the way Ms. Jones, when you saw my barracks door open, did you also happen to see a soldier standing at attention?"
She replied "Why no sir! But I did see a disabled vet sitting on two old duffle bags!