Followed Jokes / Recent Jokes

Fred was definitely more than a bit dumb; when his pal asked him how he had enjoyed his day at the zoo, he replied, "it was a total con! I saw a sign that said To The Monkeys, so I followed it and saw the monkeys. Then I saw another sign that said To The Bears, so I followed that and saw the bears. But when I followed a sign that said To the Exit, I found myself out on the street."

One fall day, Dave was out raking leaves when he noticed a hearsegoing down the street, followed by another hearse, followed by aman walking solemnly along, followed by a dog, and then about 200men walking in single file. Intrigued, Dave went up to the man following the second hearse andasked who was in the first one. "My wife," the man replied." I'm sorry," said Dave. "What happened to her?" "My dog bit her and she died." Dave was taken aback. "And who's in the second hearse?" "My mother-in-law. My dog bit her too and she died as well." Dave asked, "Can I borrow your dog?" "Get in line."

A man walked into a curio store and was looking around. After awhile, he chose a brass rat and brought it up to the counter. The proprietor said, that will be $10 for the brass rat and $1, 000 for the story behind it. The man said,' Thanks, but I'll just pay the $10 and pass on the story.'He purchased the brass rat and left the store. As he was walking down the street, he started noticing all sorts of rats following him. The further he walked -- the more rats followed. He walked down to the wharf and still more rats came out and followed him. So, he decided to walk out into the water, which he did -- and all the rats drowned. He returned to the store where he purchased the brass rat, and when he walked in, the proprietor said,' Ah ha! You came back to pay the $1, 000 for the story, right?''Nope,' replied the man,' Just came back to see if you have any brass lawyers!'

In Colorodo there is a hunting compotiton. 3 men enter it. Each guy gets an hour to catch something.
The first guy comes back with a bear skin the judge asked how did he get that bear the man said he followed the tracks and followed the tracks and found the bear.
The second guy returns with a tiger skin.
The judge asked where did he get that tiger. He answers I followed the tracks and followed the tracks and found the tiger.
The third guy comes back really beaten up and the judge asked how did that happen the hunter replies I got hit by a train the judge asked how he got hit by a train the man replies
I followed the tracks and followed the tracks until I found the train.

The 2000 member Baptist church was filled to overflowing capacity one Sunday morning. The preacher was ready to start the sermon when two men, dressed in long black coats and black hats entered thru the rear of the church.

One of the two men walked to the middle of the church while the other stayed at the back of the church. They both then reached under their coats and withdrew automatic weapons.

The one in the middle announced, "EVERYONE WILLING TO TAKE A BULLET FOR JESUS STAY IN YOUR SEAT!"

Naturally, the pews emptied, followed by the choir. The deacons ran out the door, followed by the choir director and the assistant pastor.

After a few moments, there were about 20 people left sitting in the church. The preacher was holding steady in the pulpit.

The men put their weapons away and said, gently, to the preacher, "All right, pastor, the hypocrites are gone now. You may begin the service."

There was a blonde and two hunters. They went hunting while she waited by the truck. A few minutes later the first hunter came out of the woods with a deer slung over his shoulder. "How did you get that deer?" "Well I saw the tracks, followed the tracks, and shot it. A few minutes later the second hunter came out of the woods with a bear slung over his shoulder. "How did you get that bear?" Well I saw the tracks, followed the tracks, and shot it. Then the blonde grabs his gun and walks into the woods. She saw the tracks, followed the tracks, and then she got hit by a train.

A new study shows that the “Freshman 15” weight gain is actually closer to 5 to 7 pounds, but that is usually
followed by the “Sophomore 2 or 3,” which itself is often followed by the “Junior abortion.”