Football Jokes / Recent Jokes

A teleconference between the media and Central Florida football coach George O'Leary was canceled Monday because school officials accidentally gave the number for a phone sex line instead of the teleconference number. Members of the media initially became suspicious since the answer to every one of their questions was "Yes, yes, YES!!!"

1. You can name everyone you graduated with.
1a. Your graduation lasted 20 minutes.
2. You get a whiff of manure and think of home.
2a. You can smell the difference between different animals' manure.
3. You know what 4-H is.
3a. You were in 4-H.
3b. You can walk through the entire county fair in 15 minutes.
4. You ever went to "headlight parties".
4a. Your busiest intersection does not have a stop light.
5. You used to drag "main".
5a. You noticed when there was a new car in town.
6. You said the "f" word and your parents knew within the hour.
7. You schedule parties around the schedule of different police officers, since you know which ones will bust you and which ones won't.
8. You ever went cow-tipping.
9. You have gone to an auction as a social gathering.
10. You have ever partied with a guy who is 25, has no job, but is the "buyer" for all of the best parties.
11. You have more...

A football coach walked into the locker room before a game, looked over to his star player and said, "I'm not supposed to let you play since you failed math, but we need you in there. So, what I have to do is ask you a math question, and if you get it right, you can play."
The player agreed, and the coach looked into his eyes intently and asks, "Okay, now concentrate hard and tell me the answer to this. What is two plus two?"
The player thought for a moment and then he answered, "4?"
"Did you say 4?" the coach exclaimed, excited that he got it right.
At that, all the other players on the team began screaming, "Come on coach, give him another chance!"

When fish play football, who is the captain? The team's kipper!

OJ Simpson will appear in a 2 hour TV special on Fox this month to reveal “how we would have” killed his ex-wife and her friend 12 years ago “if he were the one responsible.” OJ also announced he has a rare condition in which he mistakes sentences in the subjunctive for the indicative.
Oh, snap!

A football coach was asked his secret of evaluating raw recruits.
"Well," he said, "I take 'em out in the woods and make 'em run.
The ones that go around the trees, I make into running backs. The ones that run into the trees, I turn into linemen."

Football doesn't build character. It eliminates the weak ones.