Forest Jokes / Recent Jokes
30> Given an infinite number of geeks in an infinite number of "Star Trek" conventions, would there be at least one with a life?
29> Why is Pauly Shore so successful, while a deserving and talented actor like Tom Arnold is still struggling?
28> Ask not for whom the bell tolls. Ask why Bell charges so much for toll calls.
27> Can God make Marlon Brando so big that even He can't move him?
26> If you could go back in time, would you give Hitler a wedgie?
25> The sky's just BLUE, dammit! Get over it!
24> If you sell a video explaining how you didn't kill your ex-wife and her male friend and no one buys it, does it make a sound?
23> What will I have for lunch today -- chicken salad or egg salad?
22> How much cheese could Chuck E. Cheese chuck if Chuck E. Cheese could chuck cheese?
21> Yeah, where the hell *is* Waldo?
20> If a monk, living in a monastery, takes a vow of more...
so a bear and a rabbit find a jenie in a forest and it says I will grant each of you 3 wishes starting with you rabbit so the rabbit says I want a leather jacket and a Harly Davidson motorcycle
and the bear goes why the heck would you want that- I wish all the bears in this forest where feamale- whoohoo!
I wish I had a Harly Davidson hat says the rabbit
I wish all the bears in this whole country where feamale and the bear slicks back his hair
the jenie looks at the rabbit and the rabbit says Oh Im thinking-you can ask him and he points to the bear
I wish all the bear in the world where feamales
the jenie points looks back to the rabbit and the rabbit says Uh-I whish the bear was gay and he hops on the motorcycle and drives off.
If a tree falls in a forest, and lands on a mime... does anyone care?
The LAPD, the FBI, & the CIA are all trying to prove that they are the best at apprehending criminals. The President decides to give them a test. He releases a rabbit into a forest and each of them has to catch it.
The CIA goes in. They place animal informants throughout the forest. They question all plant and mineral witnesses. After three months of extensive investigations they conclude that rabbits do not exist.
The FBI goes in. After two weeks with no leads they burn the forest, killing everything in it, including the rabbit and they make no apologies. The rabbit had it coming.
The LAPD goes in. They come out two hours later with a badly beaten bear. The bear is yelling: "Okay, okay, I'm a rabbit, I'm a rabbit."
Forest Gump goes to heaven...The day finally arrived: Forrest Gump dies and goes to Heaven.He is at the Pearly Gates, met by St. Peter himself. St. Peter says,
"Well, Forrest, it's certainly good to see you. We have heard a lot about you.
I must inform you that the place is filling up fast, and we've been administering an entrance examination for everyone. The test is short and you have to pass before you can get into heaven.1) What days of the week begin with the letter T? 2) How many seconds are there in a year? 3) What is God's first name?"Forrest says, "Well, the first one - how many days in the week begin
With the letter "T"?
That one's easy.
That'd be Today and Tomorrow."The Saint's eyes open wide and he exclaims!!
"Forrest, that's not what I was thinking, but...
I'll give you credit for that answer."How about the second one?" asks St. Peter.
"How many seconds in a year?""Now that one's more...
The following gems of wisdom were gleaned from test papers and essays from elementary, junior high, high school, and college students.
As one teacher noted, "It is truly astonishing what weird stuff our young scholars can create under the pressures of time and grades!"
"H2O is hot water, and CO2 is cold water."
"To collect fumes of sulphur, hold a deacon over a flame in a test tube."
"When you smell an odorless gas, it is probably carbon monoxide."
"Water is composed of two gins, Oxygin and Hydrogin. Oxygin is pure gin. Hydrogin is gin and water."
"There is no Nitrogen in Ireland because it is not found in a free state."
"Three kinds of blood vessels are arteries, vanes and caterpillars."
"Blood flows down one leg and up the other."
"Respiration is composed of two acts, first inspiration, and then expectoration."
The moon is a planet just like the earth, more...
The following gems of wisdom were gleaned from test papers and essays from elementary, junior high, high school, and college students.As one teacher noted, "It is truly astonishing what weird stuff our young scholars can create under the pressures of time and grades!""H2O is hot water, and CO2 is cold water.""To collect fumes of sulphur, hold a deacon over a flame in a test tube.""When you smell an odorless gas, it is probably carbon monoxide.""Water is composed of two gins, Oxygin and Hydrogin. Oxygin is pure gin. Hydrogin is gin and water.""There is no Nitrogen in Ireland because it is not found in a free state.""Three kinds of blood vessels are arteries, vanes and caterpillars.""Blood flows down one leg and up the other.""Respiration is composed of two acts, first inspiration, and then expectoration."The moon is a planet just like the earth, only it is even deader.""Dew is formed on more...