Forest Jokes / Recent Jokes

Fire Authorities in California found a corpse in a burnt out section of forest whilst assessing the
damage done by a forest fire. The deceased male was dressed in a full wetsuit, complete with a dive
tank, flippers and face mask.
A post mortem examination revealed that the person died not from burns but from massive internal
injuries. Dental records provided a positive identification.
Investigators then set about determining how a fully clad diver ended up in the middle of a forest
fire. It was revealed that, on the day of the fire, the person went for a diving trip off the coast -
some 20 kilometers away from the forest.
The firefighters, seeking to control the fire as quickly as possible, called in a fleet of
helicopters with very large buckets. The buckets were dropped into the ocean for rapid filling, then
flown to the forest fire and emptied.
You guessed it. One minute our diver was making like Flipper in the Pacific, the more...

Two men were walking along when a man walked up to them and told them they would win a prize if they could complete to tasks. the first one was to go into the forest and collect a bag of fruit. so they went of, and a while later one man came back, with a bag of berries. the man said, "your next task is to shove them all up your bum without laughing."
so he did that and was going really well, until the last few when all of a sudden he laughed.
"why did you laugh when you were so close to receiving your prize?" asked the man, puzzled.
"well," he replied, "i just saw my friend come out of the forest with a bag of pineapples!"

A man who is overly endowed, so much so that he has a 25 inch penis which is causing him a great deal of problems, goes to see his doctor for help.
"Medically, there is nothing I can do to help you," the doctor says, "but I do know a witch that may be able to help." The doctor then gives him the directions to where he can find the witch.
The witch stares at the man's problem in amazement and then instructs him to go deep into the forest where he will find a pond. "In this pond," the witch says, "you will find a frog. Ask the frog to marry you. Each time the frog says no, your problem will be 5 inches shorter."
Thinking it was definitely worth a try, the man heads off into the forest, finds the pond and sees the frog sitting on a log. "Will you marry me?" he shouts out to the frog.
The frog looks at him, totally disinterested, and shouts back "No!" He immediately looks down and, sure enough, he's 5 inches more...

Trees don't fall in the forest when no one's around to see them. Sometimes they just happen to be on the ground when you see them again.

In an effort to determine the top crime fighting agency in the country, the president narrowed the field to three finalist, the CIA, the FBI, and the Chicago Police.
The three remaining contenders were given the task of catching a rabbit which was released into the forest.
The CIA went into the forest. They placed animal informants throughout. They questioned all plant and mineral witnesses. After three months of extensive investigation they concluded that rabbits do not exist.
The FBI went into the forest. After two weeks without a capture, they burned the forest killing everything in it, including the rabbit. They made no apologies. The rabbit deserved it.
The CPD went into the forest. They came out two hours later with a badly beaten bear.
The bear was yelling “Okay, Okay, I’m a rabbit, I’m a rabbit”.

A burglary was recently committed at West Ham's ground and the entire contents of the trophy room were stolen. The police are looking for a man with a claret & blue carpet.
The seven dwarves are down in the mines when there is a cave-in. Snow White runs to the entrance and yells down to them. In the distance a voice shouts out "Charlton are good enough to win the European Cup." Snow White says "Well at least Dopey's alive!"
Q: How does Stan Collymore change a lightbulb?
A: He holds it in the air, and the world revolves around him
The Fire brigade phones George Graham in the early hours of Sunday morning.
"Mr Graham sir, White Hart Lane is on fire!"
"The cups man! Save the cups!" cries George.
"Uh, the fire hasn't spread to the canteen yet, sir."
Apparently, Harry Redknapp offered to send the West Ham squad on an expenses paid holiday to Florida but they said they'd rather go to Blackpool so they could more...

A guy went to see the doctor because he was a little too well-endowed. In fact, it was 25 inches long and he couldn't get women to have sex with him.
The doctor told him that there was nothing that he could do, but recommended a witch doctor.
The witch doctor took a look at the problem and told the man to go to a particular pond deep in the forest and talk to a frog that lived there. "Ask the frog to marry you," she said, "and each time the frog says no, you'll be 5 inches shorter."
Worth a try, he thought to himself, and with that, he dashed into the forest. He found the pond and spotted the frog on the other side, sitting on a log. "Frog, will you marry me?" He called.
The frog looked at him, disinterested at best, and called back, "No."
The guy looked down and sure enough, he's 5 inches shorter. Hey, this is great, he thought. I'll try that again, "Will you marry me?"
The frog rolled his eyes, and shouted more...