Forgive Jokes / Recent Jokes

Our lager, which art in barrels, Hollowed be thy drink. I will be drunk, At home as in the taverns. Give us this day our foamy head, and forgive us our spillages, as we forgive those who spill against us. And lead us not into incarceration, but deliver us from hangovers. For thine is the beer. The bitter and the lager Forever and ever

A man goes to the confessional and begins "Forgive me Father, for I have sinned." "What is your sin, my son?" the priest asks back." Well," the man starts, "I used some horrible language this week and I feel absolutely terrible." "When did you use this awful language?" asks the priest." I was golfing and hit an incredible drive that looked like it was going to go over 250 yards, but it struck a phone line that was hanging over the fairway and fell straight down to the ground after going only about 100 yards." "Is that when you swore?" "No, Father," says the man." After that, a squirrel ran out of the bushes and grabbed my ball in his mouth and began to run away." "Is THAT when you swore?" asks the Father again. "Well, no," says the man." You see, as the squirrel was running, an eagle came down out of the sky, grabbed the squirrel in his talons and began to fly more...

A judaic rabbi met a christian father and asked him how came theirs church is so big and so rich. The father told the rabbi about the confession and invited him to come and see how it is going.
On sunday the rabbi steps into church to set up the confession cabin near the father.
A young woman cames into the cabin saying "Forgive me father for I have sinned - I've ben with a man who is not my husband"
"You made a wrong thing my child" said the father.
"Put 10 in the way out pray every night and you will be forgiven"
The rabbi set their for two more confession and ask the father permission to try to take his place.
A young lady came into the cabin and sais "Forgive me father for I have sinned - I'v been with a man who is not my father."
"You made a wrong thing my child" said the rabbi "put 100 in the way out and you can do it ten more times"

A priest was called away for an emergency. Not wanting to leave the confessional unattended, he called his rabbi friend from across the street and asked him to cover for him. The rabbi told him he wouldn't know what to say, but the priest told him to come on over and he'd stay with him for a little bit and show him what to do. The rabbi comes, and he and the priest are in the confessional. In a few minutes, a woman comes in and says,' Father, forgive me for I have sinned.' The priest asks,' What did you do?' The woman says,' I committed adultery.' The priest says,' How many times?' And the woman replies,' Three.' Priest:' Say two Hail Mary's, put $5 in the box, and go and sin no more.' A few minutes later a man enters the confessional. He says,' Father forgive me for I have sinned.'' What did you do?' I committed adultery.' r' How many times?'' Three times.' The priest says,' Say two Hail Mary's, put $5 in the box and go and sin no more.' The rabbi tells the priest that he thinks he's more...

Our lager, Which art in barrels, Hallowed be thy drink. Thy will be drunk, I will be drunk, At home as it is in the tavern. Give us this day our foamy head, And forgive us our spillages, As we forgive those who spill against us. And lead us not to incarceration, But deliver us from hangovers. For thine is the beer, The bitter, The lager.

Santa Joined The Priest And Then Followed Him Into The Confessional. A Few Minutes Later A Woman Came In And Said "Father, Forgive Me For I Have Sinned"


Priest: "What Did You Do?"

Woman: " I Committed Adultery"

Priest: "How Many Times?"

Woman: "Three Times"

Priest: "Say Two Hail Marys, Put $ 5. 00 In The Charity Box, And Sin No More"

A Few Minutes Later A Man Entered The Confessional. He Said

"Father, Forgive Me For I Have Sinned"

Priest: "What Did You Do?"

Man: "I Committed Adultery"

Priest: "How Many Times?"

Man: "Three Times"

Priest: "Say Two Hail Marys, Put $ 5. 00 In The Charity Box, And Sin No More"

Santa, A Quick Learner, Told The Priest That He Understood The Job And The Priest Could Leave.

Santa more...

One day there were four nuns in line for confessional.

The first nun said, "Forgive me, father, for I have sinned."

He asked how.

She said "I saw a man's private part." He told her to wash her eyes with holy water.

The second nun comes in and says, "Forgive me, father, for I have sinned."

He asked how.

"I touched a man's private parts." He told her to wash her hands in holy water.

Then he heard the third and fourth nun fighting. He asked why they were fighting.

The fourth nun said, "I'm not going to wash my mouth in the holy water if she is going to sit in it."