Forgive Jokes / Recent Jokes

A husband booked a round of golf for his wife and himself on a trip … … to famous old St. Andrews golf links.
On the third tee, the husband hesitated in teeing off and turned slowly to his wife and said contritely, “Darling, I have to confess something. Twenty years ago I had a brief affair. It meant nothing. I hope you can forgive me. ”
His wife was hurt but said, “Dearest, those days are long gone. What we have now is far more valuable. I forgive you. ” They embraced and kissed.
On the seventeenth tee, the husband was starting his back swing when the wife blurted out, “I’m sorry darling, I’ve been so conscience-stricken since you told me, but since we’re being honest with each other, I have something to tell you also. Fifty-two years ago I had a sex change operation, I was a man before I met you. I hope you can forgive me.
The husband, froze at the top of his back swing, then threw a fit! He slammed the driver into the ground, kicked the ball more...

There were these three nuns that wanted the weekend off from being so holy. So they went up to the high priest and asked him for the day off. The priest said it was alright as long as they came back on Monday and told him what they did. The nuns agreed and scurried off. On Monday the nuns came back and went to the priest. The first nun was in confession and said to the priest, "Forgive me father for I have sinned." The priest asked her what she had done. "I ran down my street naked" The priest shakes his head ad looks at the nun and says "Go drink some holy water and say the Our Father 10 times. The nun obeys. Then third nun starts to snicker. The secnd nun goes into the room and says "forgive me father for I have sinned." The priest looks at her and says " What did you do?" "I watched a pornographich movie" The priests shakes his head and looks at the nun. "Go drink some holy water and then come back and say 20 Our more...

Big Daddy's Rap - The Lord's Prayer
Yo, Bid Daddy upstairs, - Our Father, who art in heaven
You be chillin - Hallowed be thy name
So be yo hood - Thy Kingdom come
You be sayin' it, I be doin' it - Thy will be done
In this here hood and yo's - On earth as it is in heaven
Gimme some eats - Give us this day our daily bread
And cut me some slack, Blood - And forgive us our trespasses
Sos I be doin' it to dem dat diss me - As we forgive those who trespass against us
Don't be pushing me into no jive - And lead us not into temptation
and keep dem Crips away - But deliver us from evil
'Cause you always be da Man - For thine is the Kingdom, the power and the glory, forever and ever.
aiight

DAILY PRAYER
Our fileserver, who art on LAN
NETSERVER be thy name
Thy programmes come
Thy commands be done
In DOS, and sometimes in WINDOS
Give us this day our daily login
And forgive us our hacking
As we forgive those who hack in our files
Lead us not into corrupt procedures
But deliver our email
For thine is the CPU, the powersource and the monitor
For ever until obsolescence
Hey, mon...

A man goes to the confessional and begins "Forgive me Father, for I have sinned.""What is your sin, my son?" the priest asks back."Well," the man starts, "I used some horrible language this week and I feel absolutely terrible." "When did you use this awful language?" asks the priest."I was golfing and hit an incredible drive that looked like it was going to go over 250 yards, but it struck a phone line that was hanging over the fairway and fell straight down to the ground after going only about 100 yards.""Is that when you swore?" "No, Father," says the man."After that, a squirrel ran out of the bushes and grabbed my ball in his mouth and began to run away.""Is THAT when you swore?" asks the Father again. "Well, no," says the man."You see, as the squirrel was running, an eagle came down out of the sky, grabbed the squirrel in his talons and began to fly more...

Our lager, Which art in barrels, Hollowed be thy drink. I will be drunk, At home as in the travern. Give us this day our foamy head, And forgive us our spillages, As we forgive those who spill against us. And lead us not into incarceration, But deliver us from hangerovers. For thine is the beer. he bitter and The lagerForever and ever, Barmen.

Tommy O'Connor went to confession and said, "Forgive me father for I have sinned."
"What have you done Tommy O'Connor?"
"I had sex with a girl."
"Who was it, Tommy?"
"I cannot tell you father, please forgive me for my sin."
"Was it Mary Margaret Sullivan?"
"No father, please forgive me for my sin but I cannot tell you who it was."
"Was it Catherine Mary McKenzie?"
"No father, please forgive me for my sin."
"Well then it has to be, Sarah Martha O'Keefe."
"No father, please forgive me, I cannot tell you who it was."
"Okay, Tommy go say 5 Hail Mary's and 4 Our Fathers and you will be abolished of your sin."
So Tommy walked out to the pews where his friend Joseph was waiting. "What did ya get?" asked Joseph.
"Well I got 5 hail Mary's, 4 Our Fathers, and 3 good leads."