Forgive Jokes / Recent Jokes

Forgive and forget. This is not difficult when properly understood. It means forget inconvenient duties, then forgive yourself for forgetting. By rigid practice and stern determination, it comes easy.

One should forgive one's enemies, but not before they are hanged.

This man goes to confession and says, "Forgive me father for I have sinned." The priest asks if he would like to confess his sins and the man replies that he used the "F-word" over the weekend. The priest says, "Oh okay, just say three Hail Marys and try to watch your language.
The man replies that he would like to confess as to why he said the "F-word". The priest sighs and tells him to continue. Well father I played golf on Sunday with my buddies instead of going to church. The priest says, "And you got upset over that and swore?" The man replied, "No, that wasn't why I swore. On the first tee I duck-hooked my drive well left into the trees." The priest said, "And that's when you swore."
The man replied, a little testily because of the constant interruptions, "No, it wasn't. When I walked up the fairway, I noticed my ball got a lucky bounce and I had a clear shot to the green. However, before I could hit more...

And another four-year-old prayed: "And forgive us our trash baskets as we forgive those who put trash in our baskets."

Arthur sat brooding at his favorite bar. "Charley," he said to the bartender, "I'm a rat. I've a lovely wife at home and instead of ap­preciating her, I've been out getting into trouble with another woman.
But a guy can reform. I'm going home right now, Charley, and I'm going to tell her everything, beg her to forgive me and start anew as a model husband."
Thereupon, Arthur paid his tab, went home, told his wife everything and begged her to forgive him so he could start anew as a model husband.
"I'll forgive you on one condition, Arthur," his wife said. "I want to know the name of the woman." But Arthur was too gallant to tell.
"Was it Susan Adams?" she asked.
"I can't tell you, dear," he said.
"I'll bet it was Mrs. Simpson," the wife declared.
"My lips are sealed," said hubby.
"I know," exclaimed the wife, "it's that hussy Mrs. more...

Our Beer, Which art in barrels. Hallowed be thy drink. Thy will be drunk, I will be drunk, At home as it is in the pub. Forgive us this day our daily spillages, As we forgive those who spill against us. For thine is the beer, The bitter and the lager. Forever and ever

An old Jewish couple was sitting around one evening and he says to his wife, "Sarah, we are about to celebrate our 50th wedding anniversary, so tell me, have you ever been unfaithful to me?"
She hesitated a while and said, "Yes, 3 times."
"Three times!? how did it happen?" he asks.
"Well, do you remember right after we were married and we were broke and the bank was going to foreclose on our little house?"
"Yes, that was really a terrible time."
"Okay, well do you remember when I went to see the banker and the next day he extended our loan?
"It is hard to believe," he said, "but I guess it really was for us and I can forgive you."
She continued, "And do you remember years later when you almost died from the heart problem because we couldn't afford the operation?"
"Of course I remember."
"Well, then you also remember that right after I went to see the more...