Forgive Jokes / Recent Jokes
An old Jewish couple was sitting around one evening and he says to his wife, "Sarah, we are about to celebrate our 50th wedding anniversary, so tell me, have you ever been unfaithful to me?"
She hesitated a while and said, "Yes, 3 times." "Three times!? how did it happen?" he asks.
"Well, do you remember right after we were married and we were broke and the bank was going to foreclose on our little house?" "Yes, that was really a terrible time."
"Okay, well do you remember when I went to see the banker and the next day he extended our loan? "It is hard to believe," he said, "but I guess it really was for us and I can forgive you."
She continued, "And do you remember years later when you almost died from the heart problem because we couldn't afford the operation?" "Of course I remember."
"Well, then you also remember that right after I went to see the doctor he did more...
Four nuns walk up to the Father to confess their sins.
The first nuns walks up and says, "Forgive me Father for I have sinned. I have seen a man's penis."
"Rinse your eyes in the Holy Water and all will be forgiven." replies the Father.
The 2nd nun walks up and says, "Forgive me Father for I have sinned. I have touched a man's penis."
"Rinse your hands in the Holy Water and all will be forgiven." replies the Father.
He then notices the 3rd and 4th nun fighting for their place in line. He goes to them and says, "Sisters, Sisters, what is the fighting for?"
The 4th nun replies, "Well there is no way in Hell I'm drinking the Holy Water after she's stuck her ass in it!"
An old Jewish couple was sitting around one evening and he says to his wife, "Sarah, we are about to celebrate our 50th wedding anniversary, so tell me, have you ever been unfaithful to me?"She hesitated a while and said, "Yes, 3 times.""Three times!? how did it happen?" he asks."Well, do you remember right after we were married and we were broke and the bank was going to foreclose on our little house?""Yes, that was really a terrible time.""Okay, well do you remember when I went to see the banker and the next day he extended our loan?"It is hard to believe," he said, "but I guess it really was for us and I can forgive you."She continued, "And do you remember years later when you almost died from the heart problem because we couldn't afford the operation?""Of course I remember.""Well, then you also remember that right after I went to see the doctor he did your operation at no more...
The preacher's Sunday sermon was "Forgive Your Enemies" She asked, "How many have forgiven your enemies?" About half held up their hands.
She repeated the question, now about 80% raised their hands. She repeated the question again, all raised their hands except one elderly lady.
"Mrs. Jones, are you not willing to forgive your enemies?"
"I don't have any" she responded.
"Mrs. Jones, that is very unusual. How old are you?"
"Ninety-three" she replied.
"Mrs. Jones, would you please come forward and explain to the congregation how a person cannot have an enemy in the world."
The little sweetheart of a lady tottered down the aisle, and said:.................................................
"It's easy. I just outlived those bitches."
An old Jewish couple was sitting around one evening and he says to his wife, "Sarah, we are about to celebrate our 50th wedding anniversary, so tell me, have you ever been unfaithful to me?" She hesitated a while and said, "Yes, 3 times." "Three times!? how did it happen?" he asks." Well, do you remember right after we were married and we were broke and the bank was going to foreclose on our little house?" "Yes, that was really a terrible time." "Okay, well do you remember when I went to see the banker and the next day he extended our loan?" It is hard to believe," he said, "but I guess it really was for us and I can forgive you." She continued, "And do you remember years later when you almost died from the heart problem because we couldn't afford the operation?" "Of course I remember." "Well, then you also remember that right after I went to see the doctor he did your operation at no more...
Lord, forgive me for what I am about to do
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A rabbi, a minister, and a priest were playing poker when the police
raided the game. Turning to the priest, the lead police officer
said, "Father Murphy, were you gambling?"
Turning his eyes to heaven, the priest whispered, "Lord, forgive me
for what I am about to do." To the police officer, he then said,
"No, officer; I was not gambling."
The officer then asked the minister, "Pastor Johnson, were you
gambling?"
Again, after an appeal to heaven, the minister replied, "No,
officer; I was not gambling."
Turning to the rabbi, the officer again asked, "Rabbi Goldstein,
were you gambling?"
Shrugging his shoulders, the rabbi replied, "With whom?"