Forgive Jokes / Recent Jokes
Lord, forgive me for what I am about to do==========================================A rabbi, a minister, and a priest were playing poker when the policeraided the game. Turning to the priest, the lead police officersaid, "Father Murphy, were you gambling?"Turning his eyes to heaven, the priest whispered, "Lord, forgive mefor what I am about to do." To the police officer, he then said,"No, officer; I was not gambling."The officer then asked the minister, "Pastor Johnson, were yougambling?"Again, after an appeal to heaven, the minister replied, "No, officer; I was not gambling."Turning to the rabbi, the officer again asked, "Rabbi Goldstein, were you gambling?"Shrugging his shoulders, the rabbi replied, "With whom?"
This man goes to confession and says, "Forgive me father for I have sinned."
The priest asks if he would like to confess his sins and the man replies that he used the "F-word" over the weekend. The priest says, "Oh okay, just say three Hail Marys and try to watch your language.
The man replies that he would like to confess as to why he said the "F-word".
The priest sighs and tells him to continue. Well father I played golf on Sunday with my buddies instead of going to church. The priest says, "And you got upset over that and swore?"
The man replied, "No, that wasn't why I swore. On the first tee I duck-hooked my drive well left into the trees."
The priest said, "And that's when you swore."
The man replied, a little testily because of the constant interruptions, "No, it wasn't. When I walked up the fairway, I noticed my ball got a lucky bounce and I more...
To err is human. To forgive is not company policy.
Our lager,
Which art in barrels,
Hallowed be thy drink.
Thy will be drunk,
I will be drunk,
At home as it is in the tavern.
Give us this day our foamy head,
And forgive us our spillages,
As we forgive those who spill against us.
And lead us not to incarceration,
But deliver us from hangovers.
For thine is the beer, The bitter, The lager.
The Victoria Bitter Prayer
Our lager, which art in barrels,
Hallowed be thy drink.
Thy will be drunk,
I will be drunk, when we loose to Sri Lanka again,
At home as in the tavern.
Give us this day our foamy head,
And forgive us our spillages, could not help with Murali's spin,
As we forgive those who spill against us.
And lead us not to incarceration,
But deliver us from hangovers.
For thine is the beer, The Victoria bitter and The lager.
Forever and ever,
Barmen
Called away for an emergency, a priest didn't want to leave the confessional unattended, so he called his rabbi friend and asked him to cover for him. The rabbi told him he wouldn't know what to say, but the priest told him to come over and he would stay with him for a little while and show him what to do. The rabbi came over and he and the priest entered the confessional.
A few minutes later, a woman entered and said, "Father, forgive me for I have sinned. I have committed adultery."
"How many times?" the priest asked.
"Three times, Father," replied the woman.
"Say two Hail Mary's, put $5 in the box and go and sin no more," instructed the priest.
A few minutes later, a man entered the confessional and said, "Forgive me, Father, for I have sinned."
"What did you do?" asked the priest.
"I committed adultery," the man confessed.
"How many times?" the priest more...
THE following is the revised edition of an American prayer:
Forgive us our debts O Lord, I as we forgive our international debtors.