Forgive Jokes / Recent Jokes

Lord, forgive me for what I am about to do==========================================A rabbi, a minister, and a priest were playing poker when the policeraided the game. Turning to the priest, the lead police officersaid, "Father Murphy, were you gambling?" Turning his eyes to heaven, the priest whispered, "Lord, forgive mefor what I am about to do." To the police officer, he then said,"No, officer; I was not gambling." The officer then asked the minister, "Pastor Johnson, were yougambling?" Again, after an appeal to heaven, the minister replied, "No, officer; I was not gambling." Turning to the rabbi, the officer again asked, "Rabbi Goldstein, were you gambling?" Shrugging his shoulders, the rabbi replied, "With whom?"

there were three nuns who were always in trouble one day the first nun came up to the preacher and said,"preacher, preacher I did something very bad. the preacher said what did you do? The nun said, "I held up a grocery store and stole 50$, bag of chips, and a pack of bubble gum. The paster said, "ask god to forgive you and drink from the holy water. so she did. The next day the second nun went to the pastor and said, "pastor, pastor, i did something very bad and the pastor said what did you do? the nun said i killed someone. the pastor said,"ask god to forgive you and drink from the holy water so she did. the next day the third nun said," pastor, pastor, i did something very bad the pastor said,"what did you do the nun said,"i peed in the holy water

Always forgive your enemies but never forget their names.

A priest was called away for an emergency. Not wanting to leave
>> the confessional unmanned, he called a rabbi friend up and asked him
>> to cover for him. The rabbi told him he wouldn't know what to say, but >> the priest told him to come on over and he'd stay with him and show him >> what to do. The rabbi comes and he and the priest are in the
>> confessional.
>>
>> In a few minutes a woman comes in and says "Father forgive me for I >> have sinned." The priest asks "What did you do?". The woman says "I
>> committed adultery." Priest: "How many times?" Woman: "Three times." >> Priest: "Say two Hail Mary's, put $5 in the box and go and sin no more." >> A few minutes later another woman enters the confessional. She says >> "Father forgive me for I have sinned." Priest: "What did you do?"
>> Woman: "I committed adultery." Priest: "How many more...

Pete and Jerry had been law partners for many years. One day, Pete fell ill, and grew progressively worse. Medical specialists were called in from the world over, but no one could diagnose Pete's illness. The only thing that seemed certain was that Pete's death was imminent. As Pete lay in his last hours, he felt obligated to reveal a few secrets to Jerry. "You know that million pound settlement we got from Morgan last year? I never told you this, but it was really three million. I kept the other two million, and eventually gambled it away. Can you forgive me? " Jerry said that he would, without question. Pete then told him, "Well, you remember when your wife divorced you and got the big financial judgement? It was me that gave her the inside information on your finances. I had been screwing her for years. How can you forgive me?" Jerry told his friend, once again, that it was forgotten. After Pete had told of several other transgressions, all of which Jerry more...

I've learned that you cannot make someone love you. All you can do is be someone who can be loved. The rest is up to them.
I've learned that no matter how much I care, some people just don't care back.
I've learned that it takes years to build up trust, and only seconds to destroy it.
I've learned that it's not what you have in your life but who you have in your life that counts.
I've learned that you can get by on charm for about fifteen minutes. After that, you'd better know something.
I've learned that you shouldn't compare yourself to the best others can do but to the best you can do.
I've learned that it's not what happens to people that's important. It's what they do about it.
I've learned that you can do something in an instant that will give you heartache for life.
I've learned that no matter how thin you slice it, there are always two sides to the story.
I've learned that it's taking me a long time to become the person I want to more...

Tommy O'Connor went to confession and said, "Forgive me Father for I have sinned"....." What have you done Tommy O'Connor" said the Priest. "I had sex with a girl""Who was it Tommy?" "I cannot tell you Father, please forgive me for my sin." "Was it Mary Margaret Sullivan?" "No Father, please forgive me for my sin." "Was it Catherine Mary McKenzie?" "No Father, I cannot tell you, please forgive me." "Well then, was it Sarah Martha O'Keefe?" "No Father, I cannot tell you who it was." "Okay Tommy, go say 5 Hail Marys and 4 Our Fathers and you will be forgiven." So Tommy walked out to the pew where his friend Joseph was waiting... "What did you get?" asked Joseph. "Well, I got 5 Hail Marys, 4 Our Fathers, and 3 good leads!"