Fork Jokes / Recent Jokes

There are three guys stranded on their boat in the middle of the ocean.The next morning they wash up on the shore of some canibal indians that make boats out of thier skins.When the three guys get there the indians give them each three wishes.The first guy wishes for a huge Christmas-like dinner.So he gets one .Then they eat him.The second guy wishes for nothing.So they eat him too.Then the last guy wishes for a fork.So they give him a fork.then he stabs himself to death.Right before he dies he says "I hope your boat sinks"

A Frenchman, an Englishman, and a New Yorker were captured by cannibals.

The chief comes to them and says, "the bad news is that now that we've caught you, we're going to kill you. We will put you in a pot and cook you, eat you, and then use your skins to build a canoe. The good news is that you get to choose how you die."

The Frenchman says, "I take ze sword."
The chief gives him a sword, he says, "Vive la France!" and runs himself through.

The Englishman says, "a pistol for me, please."
The chief gives him a pistol, he points it at his head, says,
"God save the queen!" and blows his brains out.

The New Yorker says, "gimme a fork."

The chief is puzzled, but he shrugs and gives him a fork.
The New Yorker takes the fork and starts jabbing himself all over -- the stomach, the sides, the chest, everywhere. There's blood gushing out all over, it's more...

At a Senior Citizen luncheon, an elderly gentleman and an elderly lady struck up a conversation and discovered that they both loved to fish. Since both of them were widowed, they decided to go fishing together the next day. The gentleman picked the lady up, and they headed to the river to his fishing boat and started out on their adventure.
They were riding down the river when there was a fork in the river, and the gentleman asked the lady,
"Do you want to go up or down?"
All of a sudden the lady stripped off her shirt and pants and made mad passionate love to the man right there in the boat!
When they finished, the man couldn't believe what had just happened, but he had just experienced the best sex that he'd had in years.
They fished for a while and continued on down the
river, when soon they came upon another fork in the river.
He again asked the lady, "Up or down? " There she went again, stripped off her clothes, and made wild more...

One day a man walked into a bar and asked for a fork. The lady at the bar
gave him a fork and he went outside. Then another man came in and asked for a
fork and went out side. A third man walked into the bar and also asked for a
fork and he went outside too. Then in came a fourth man and asked for a spoon.
The lady at the bar asked him "why are you asking for a fork? Everyone else is
asking for a fork". The man replied we'll someone vomitted up outside and all
the chunky bits are gone!

Patron: Waiter!
Waiter: Hi, my name is Bill, and I'll be your Support waiter.
Waiter. What seems to be the problem?
Patron: There's a fly in my soup!
Waiter: Try again, maybe the fly won't be there this time.
Patron: No, it's still there.
Waiter: Maybe it's the way you're using the soup. Try eating it with a fork instead.
Patron: Even when I use the fork, the fly is still there.
Waiter: Maybe the soup is incompatible with the bowl. What kind of bowl are you using?
Patron: A SOUP bowl!
Waiter: Hmmm, that should work. Maybe it's a configuration problem.
How was the bowl set up?
Patron: You brought it to me on a saucer. What has that to do with the fly in my soup?!
Waiter: Can you remember everything you did before you noticed the fly in your soup?
Patron: I sat down and ordered the Soup of the Day!
Waiter: Have you considered upgrading to the latest Soup of the Day?
Patron: You have more than one Soup of the Day each more...

Patron: Waiter!
Waiter: Hi, my name is Bill, and I'll be your Support Waiter. What seems
to be the problem?
Patron: There's a fly in my soup!
Waiter: Try again, maybe the fly won't be there this time.
Patron: No, it's still there.
Waiter: Maybe it's the way you're using the soup; try eating it with a
fork instead.
Patron: Even when I use the fork, the fly is still there.
Waiter: Maybe the soup is incompatible with the bowl; what kind of bowl
are you using?
Patron: A SOUP bowl!
Waiter: Hmmm, that should work. Maybe it's a configuration problem; how
was the bowl set up?
Patron: You brought it to me on a saucer; what has that to do with the
fly in my soup?!
Waiter: Can you remember everything you did before you noticed the fly in
your soup?
Patron: I sat down and ordered the Soup of the Day!
Waiter: Have you considered upgrading to the latest Soup of the Day?
Patron: You have more than one Soup of the Day more...

Patron: Waiter!
Waiter: Hi, my name is Bill, and I'll be your Support
Waiter. What seems to be the problem?
Patron: There's a fly in my soup!
Waiter: Try again, maybe the fly won't be there this time.
Patron: No, it's still there.
Waiter: Maybe it's the way you're using the soup; try
eating it with a fork instead.
Patron: Even when I use the fork, the fly is still there.
Waiter: Maybe the soup is incompatible with the bowl;
what kind of bowl are you using?
Patron: A SOUP bowl!
Waiter: Hmmm, that should work. Maybe it's a
configuration problem; how was the bowl set up?
Patron: You brought it to me on a saucer; what has
that to do with the fly in my soup?!
Waiter: Can you remember everything you did before
you noticed the fly in your soup?
Patron: I sat down and ordered the Soup of the Day!
Waiter: Have you considered upgrading to the latest
Soup of the Day?
Patron: You have more than one Soup of the Day more...