Form Jokes / Recent Jokes

The official year 2000 Redneck Census Form:
Last name: _______________________ First name: (Check appropriate box) (_)Billy-Bob (_)Billy-Joe (_)Billy-Ray (_)Billy-Sue (_)Billy-Mae (_)Billy-Jack
What does everyone call you? (_)Booger (_)Bubba (_)Junior (_)Sissy (_)Other____________
Age:____ (if unsure, guess)
Sex:____ M ____ F ____Not sure
Shoe size:____ Left ____ Right
Occupation:(Check appropriate box) (_)Farmer (_)Mechanic (_)Hair Dresser (_)Unemployed (_)Dirty Politician (_)Preacher
Spouse's Name:_____________
2nd Spouse's Name:_______________
3rd Spouse's Name:_______________
Lover's Name:_______________
Relationship with spouse:(Check appropriate box) (_)Sister (_)Brother (_)Aunt (_)Uncle (_)Cousin (_)Mother (_)Father (_)Son (_)Daughter (_)Pet
Number of children living in the home:_____
Number of the children living in the shed:_____
Number that are yours:_____
Mother's Name:____________________(If not sure, leave more...

[This was posted on a bulletin board in a dorm at UNL. I don't know who
wrote it, sorry.]
The player will furnish his own equipment for play, normally
one club and two balls.
Owner of the course must approve equipment before play may begin.
Unlike regular golf, the object of the game is to get the club
into the hole while keeping the balls out.
For most effective play, the club should have a firm shaft.
The course owner may check the stiffness of the shaft before
allowing play to commence.
Course owner reserves the right to restrict the shaft length,
so as to avoid damage to the course.
The object of the game is to take as many strokes as possible,
until the course owner is satisfied.
Players are cautioned to play the correct hole, as indicated by
the course owner.
It is considered bad form to begin playing the hole immediately
upon arrival at the course. Experienced players will admire the
course, paying special more...

The official year 2000 Redneck Census Form:Last name: _______________________First name: (Check appropriate box)(_)Billy-Bob(_)Billy-Joe(_)Billy-Ray(_)Billy-Sue(_)Billy-Mae(_)Billy-JackWhat does everyone call you?(_)Booger(_)Bubba(_)Junior(_)Sissy(_)Other____________Age:____ (if unsure, guess)Sex:____ M ____ F ____Not sureShoe size:____ Left ____ RightOccupation:(Check appropriate box)(_)Farmer(_)Mechanic(_)Hair Dresser(_)Unemployed(_)Dirty Politician(_)PreacherSpouse's Name:_____________2nd Spouse's Name:_______________3rd Spouse's Name:_______________Lover's Name:_______________Relationship with spouse:(Check appropriate box)(_)Sister(_)Brother(_)Aunt(_)Uncle(_)Cousin (_)Mother(_)Father(_)Son(_)Daughter(_)PetNumber of children living in the home:_____Number of the children living in the shed:_____Number that are yours:_____Mother's Name:____________________(If not sure, leave blank)Father's Name:____________________(If not sure, leave blank)Education: 1 2 3 4 (Circle highest grade more...

Valuable scientific data.

The following are two proposed additions to the periodic table of elements (from chemistry class):

Element name: woman

Symbol: WO

Atomic weight: (don't even go there)

Physical properties: Generally round in form. Boils at nothing and may freeze at any time. Melts when treated properly. Very bitter if mishandled.

Chemical properties: Very active. Highly unstable. Possesses strong affinity with gold, silver, platinum, and precious stones. Volatile when left alone. Able to absorb great amounts of exotic food. Turns slightly green when placed next to a shinier specimen.

Usage: Highly ornamental. An extremely good catalyst for dispersion of wealth. Probably the most powerful income reducing agent known.

Caution: Highly explosive in inexperienced hands.


Element name: man

Symbol: XY

Atomic weight: (180 +/-50)

Physical properties: more...

The Universal Excuse Form is designed to get you out of the trouble that you may have encountered. Whenever there's a multiple choice, pick the one that works best for your situation and use it. You'll be surprised how effective this form can be! ========================================================
Dear
a) Mom b) Dad c) love of my life d) Assistant Principal e) Local Police Chief, f) Near & dear friend
Words cannot begin to express how sorry I am that your a) Car b) House c) Pet d) Espresso maker e) Left arm f) Snow Mobile
was severely damaged by my a) infantile b) puerile c) inept d) comically brilliant but nonetheless sadistic e) woefully under appreciated prank.
How could I have known that the a) car b) jet ski c) large helium balloon d) rodent driven sledge e) Zamboni f) Ski Doo
I was riding in would go so far out of control? And while it is true that I should not have pointed it in the direction of your a) house b) wife c) Mistress d) Cub Scout troop more...

So it seems that these four rabbis had a series of theological arguments, and three were always in accord against the fourth. One day, the odd rabbi out, after the usual "3 to 1, majority rules" statement that signified that he had lost again, decided to appeal to a higher authority." Oh, God!" he cried. "I know in my heart that I am right and they are wrong" Please give me a sign to prove it to them!" It was a beautiful, sunny day. As soon as the rabbi finished his prayer, a storm cloud moved across the sky above the four. It rumbled once and dissolved. "A sign from God" See, I'm right, I knew it!" But the other three disagreed, pointing out that storm clouds form on hot days. So the rabbi prayed again: "Oh, God, I need a bigger sign to show that I am right and they are wrong. So please, God, a bigger sign!" This time four storm clouds appeared, rushed toward each other to form one big cloud, and a bolt of lightning slammed more...

The Universal Excuse Form is designed to get you out of the trouble that you may have encountered. Whenever there's a multiple choice, pick the one that works best for your situation and use it. You'll be surprised how effective this form can be!========================================================Deara) Momb) Dadc) love of my lifed) Assistant Principale) Local Police Chief, f) Near & dear friendWords cannot begin to express how sorry I am that youra) Carb) Housec) Petd) Espresso makere) Left armf) Snow Mobilewas severely damaged by mya) infantileb) puerilec) ineptd) comically brilliant but nonetheless sadistice) woefully under appreciated prank.How could I have known that thea) carb) jet skic) large helium balloond) rodent driven sledgee) Zambonif) Ski DooI was riding in would go so far out of control? And while it is true that I should not have pointed it in the direction of youra) houseb) wifec) Mistressd) Cub Scout troope) 1/16th sized replica of the Statue of Liberty, complete more...