Fortune Jokes / Recent Jokes
Three Jewish men arrive in New York from Europe, and decide to meet again in 20 years to see how they all made out in America.
20 years pass...
The first man asks the second, "So, nu? How'd you do?" He replies: Vell, you know...ven I came to this country I had no idea vhat to do with myself to make a livink. So I looked at my last name. Goldstein. So I vent into the gold business. And oy, did I make a FORTUNE!"
He turns to the next man and asks, "So nu, how 'bout you?"
He says "Vell, like you I had no idea vhat I vas going to do in this vast country to make a livink, so I too, looked to my last name. Silverberg. So I vent into silver. And oy, did I make a fortune!"
So they both turn to the last man and say, "And you? Vat happened to you?"
So the third man said, "Vell, I too had no idea how I vas to make a living here in America, so I looked at my last name. Taylor. I said, das no good. I never make money as a more...
I got a fortune cookie once that said "You like Chinese food."
The following would fit very nicely into the fortune program:
"Well," Brahma said, "even after ten thousand explanations,
a fool is no wiser, but an intelligent man requires only
two thousand five hundred."
-The Mahabharata.
Craig Werner (MD/PhD '91)
A newly married man asked his wife, "Would you have married me if my father hadn't left me a fortune?"
"Honey," the woman replied Sweetly, "I'd have married you NO MATTER WHO LEFT YOU A FORTUNE"
Two Virginia rednecks go on a fishing trip. They rent all the equipment - the reels, the rods, the wading suits, the rowboat, the car, and even a cabin in the woods. I mean they spend a fortune! The first day they go fishing, but they don't catch anything. The same thing happens on the second day, and on the third day. It goes on like this until finally, on the last day of their vacation, one of the men catches a fish.As they're driving home they're really depressed. One guy turns to the other and says, "Do you realise that this one lousy fish we caught cost us fifteen hundred bucks?"The other guy says, "Wow! Then it's a good thing we didn't catch any more!"
Customer: Waiter, what's the meaning of this fly in my tea up?
Waiter: I wouldn't know sir, I'm a waiter, not a fortune teller.
My friend Liz, her two kids (Kelli, age four and Emily, age two), and I often go out to eat at the two Chinese Restaurants in town. Liz and I always get a laugh at Emily's fortunes because they are always meant for adults. For example, here are two of the fortunes that Emily got: You are the star in the sky of someone's romantic eye. (or something like that) A magical evening awaits you. Once I got a fortune with a typo. It read: You will step on the soil of amny countries. (instead of many).