Fred Jokes / Recent Jokes

Teacher: Fred, Can You Tell Me What Aftermath Means?
Fred: Yes, Sir! The Lesson That Follows Arithmetic.

The teacher was giving her pupils a quiz on counting. Jackie got things started by counting from 1 to 10. "Now, Fred," said the teacher, "you take over, beginning with 11.""11, 14, 23, 42, 26," said Fred."What kind of counting is that?" asked the teacher"Whos counting?" replied Fred. "Im calling signals."

Fred: You have the face of a saint. Jill: Really? Which one? Fred: A Saint Bernard.

Betty was scribbling industriously over some paper with a pencil when her mother asked her what she was drawing.

"I'm not drawing, Mom," she said indignantly, "I'm writing a letter to Fred."

"But you can't write," Mom pointed out.

"That's all right," said Betty, "Fred can't read."

They had been having a few beers at the bar together recounting old times when the call of nature caused them to line up at the same time, still deep in conversation. But Fred could hardly ignore the fact that Chas was very well endowed.

"I say, that's a remarkable donger you have there old boy," Fred was prompted to remark.

"Wasn't always that way," replied Chas. "Medical science can do wonders with transplants these days," he said. "I got this done over in Harley St, England. Cost a thousand bucks, but as you can see, well worth every cent."

Fred was envious. In fact, he packed his bag that night and flew off to the Old Dart first thing.

It was a good six months later before he ran into his old friend once again and Fred could hardly wait to tell him that he had taken his advice and was well pleased with the result.

"But Chas, I will tell you something else," said Fred. "You more...

Fred: You've got a Roman nose. Harry: Like Julius Caesar? Fred: No, it's roamin' all over your face.

Fred: I got 100 in school today. Mother: Wonderful. What did you get 100 in? Jason: Two things: I got 50 in Spelling and 50 in History. Mother: Well, at least you can add!