Fred Jokes / Recent Jokes

Farmer Jones got out of his car and while heading for his friend's door, noticed a pig with a wooden leg. His curiosity roused, he ask, "Fred, how'd that pig get him a wooden leg?"
"Well Michael, that's a mighty special pig! A while back a wild boar attacked me while I was walking in the woods. That pig there came a runnin', went after that boar and chased him away. Saved my life!"
"And the boar tore up his leg?"
"No he was fine after that. But a bit later we had that fire. Started in the shed up against the barn. Well, that ole pig started squealin' like he was stuck, woke us up, and' fore we got out here, the darn thing had herded the other animals out of the barn and saved' em all!"
"So that's when he hurt his leg, huh, Fred?"
"No, Michael. He was a might winded, though. When my tractor hit a rock and rolled down the hill into the pond I was knocked clean out. When I came to, that pig had dove into the more...

Q: How is Saddam like Fred Flintstone?
A: Both look out their windows and see Rubble.

Fred: Do you think I'm a fool? Harry: No. But what's my opinion against thousands of others?

The teacher was giving her pupils a quiz on counting. Jackie got things started by counting from 1 to 10. "Now, Fred," said the teacher, "you take over, beginning with 11." "11, 14, 23, 42, 26," said Fred. "What kind of counting is that'?" asked the teacher "Who's counting'?" replied Fred. "I'm calling signals."

"Why are you crying Fred?" asked the teacher. "Cos my parrot died last night. I washed it in Wisk.. . " "Fred," said the teacher. "You must have known that Wisks bad for parrots.""Oh it wasnt the Wisk that killed it, sir. It was the tumble drier."

Two men were remembering their wedding days. "It was dreadful," said Fred. "I got the most terrible fright." "What happened?" asked Harry."I married her," replied Fred.

Fred and Mary get married but can't afford a honeymoon, so they go back to mom and dad's for the night. In the morning, little Johnny gets up and has his breakfast. As he is going out of the door to go to school, he asks his mom if Fred and Mary
are up yet.
She replies, "No".
Johnny asks, "Do you know what I think?"
His mom replies, "Never mind what you think! Just go to school."
Johnny comes home for lunch and asks his mom, "Is Fred and Mary up yet?"
She replies, "No."
Johnny says, "Do you know what I think?"
His mom replies, "Never mind what you think! Eat your lunch and go back to school."
After school, he comes home and asks, "Is Fred and Mary up yet?"
His mom says, "No."
Johnny asks, "Do you know what I think?"
His mom replies, "OK! What do you think?"
He says, "Well, last night Fred came in for the more...