Freezer Jokes / Recent Jokes

In an effort to clarify questions about the purported durability and unusual physical characteristics of Twinkies, we subjected the Hostess snack logs to the following experiments: ExposureA Twinkie was left on a window ledge for 4 days, during which time an inch and a half of rain fell. Many flies were observed crawling across the Twinkie's surface, but contrary to hypothesis, birds, even pigeons, avoided this potential source of substance. Despite the rain and prolonged exposure to the sun, the Twinkie retained its original color and form. When removed, the Twinkie was found to be substantially dehydrated. Cracked open, it was observed to have taken on the consistency of industrial foam insulation; the filling however, retained its advertised "creaminess"RadiationA Twinkie was placed in a conventional microwave oven, which was set for precisely 4 minutes - the approximate cooking time of bacon. After 20 seconds, the oven began to emit the Twinkie's rich, characteristic more...

So there's this fella with a parrot. And this parrot swears like a sailor, I mean he's a pistol. He can swear for five minutes straight without repeating himself. Trouble is, the guy who owns him is a quiet, conservative type, and this bird's foul mouth is driving him crazy. One day, it gets to be too much, so the guy grabs the bird by the throat, shakes him really hard, and yells, "QUIT IT!" But this just makes the bird mad and he swears more than ever. Then the guy gets mad and says, "OK for you." and locks the bird in a kitchen cabinet. This really aggravates the bird and he claws and scratches, and when the guy finally lets him out, the bird cuts loose with a stream of vulgarities that would make a veteran sailor blush.
At that point, the guy is so mad that he throws the bird into the freezer. For the first few seconds there is a terrible din. The bird kicks and claws and thrashes. Then it suddenly gets _very_ quiet. At first the guy just waits, but then more...

An old man died and left his talking parrot to his nephew.

Unfortunately, the old man's language was not the cleanest, and it would seem that the parrot picked up on this. The nephew did not like this, and tried to break the parrot of its swearing habit. He tried everything. He played religious music, he was kind to the bird, he spent long hours trying to teach it manners. Finally, one day, he became so frustrated, he threw the parrot into the freezer.

"There," he said. "Maybe he'll cool off in there."

For the first few seconds, the parrot swore a blue streak inside that freezer. Then, suddenly, the parrot fell silent.

A few moments later, the nephew heard from within the freezer, "If you would be so kind as to let me out, I promise to rectify my unsavory vocabulary."

Shocked and surprised, the nephew quickly opened the door and removed the chilly but sedate bird. Before he could say anything, more...

Once A Burgler Enters A House. He Goes To The Kitchen & He Opened The Freezer. Wife Knew This And Told Her Husband: Listen I Think Some One Is Eating Our Food From The Freezer. Husband: Let Him Do That. Idiot, After Eating That He Will Never Do Theft Again.

This elderly lady, recently widowed, decides to see if a pet will ease her loneliness and goes to the pet store. She decides against puppies, kitties, etc., and is about to leave the store when she hears a voice saying, "My, do you look lovely this afternoon, madam."She turns around quickly to see who has spoken, but there is no one. All she sees is a big green parrot, resting on his perch in his cage. "Did you say that?" she asks."Why, yes, I did!" he replies. "And may I add that dress is a very nice color for you."The lady suddenly realizes how nice it would be to not only have a talking parrot, but one that paid such nice compliments. So she pays for him and takes him home. On the way, she says, "You know, I am so proud of you that I believe I'll take you out for dinner! Would you like that?"The parrot says, "Why yes, that would be delightful. I know a charming place on 7th Street."So they arrive home and the lady more...

An old man died and left his talking parrot to his nephew. Unfortunately, the old man's language was not the cleanest, and it would seem that the parrot picked up on this. The nephew did not like this, and tried to break the parrot of its swearing habit. He tried everything. He played religious music, he was kind to the bird, he spent long hours trying to teach it manners. Finally, one day, he became so frustrated, he threw the parrot into the freezer." There," he said. "Maybe he'll cool off in there." For the first few seconds, the parrot swore a blue streak inside that freezer. Then, suddenly, the parrot fell silent. A few moments later, the nephew heard from within the freezer, "If you would be so kind as to let me out, I promise to rectify my unsavory vocabulary." Shocked and surprised, the nephew quickly opened the door and removed the chilly but sedate bird. Before he could say anything, however, the parrot spoke." If you don't mind, may I ask more...

A man went to a pet shop and bought a talking parrot. He took the parrot home, and tried to teach the parrot how to say a few things, but instead the parrot just swore at him. After a few hours of trying to teach the bird finally the man said "If you don't stop swearing I'm going to put you in the freezer as punishment." The parrot continued, so finally the man put the bird in the freezer. About an hour later the parrot asked the man to please open the door. As the man took the shivering bird out of the freezer it said "I promise to never swear again. Just tell me what that turkey did!"