French Jokes / Recent Jokes

Q. How do you introduce yourself in French?A. "Don't shoot, I give up!"

Baritones: If you play the baritone then you are most likely strong, smart, out-going, open-minded and misunderstood. Unfortunately the baritone is the only brass instrument that is not included in a orchestra. For that we're sorry, the baritone has earned its right there. Your enemy is most likely the trombones, they just don't know it. Keep your senses keen! Compatibility: Like the trombones, stay away from other low brass. But! Bass clarinets, French horns and saxophones are OK.

Tubas: If you play this "umpa, umpa" then you are most likely to be like the bass clarinets. Out-going, "wild" and open minded. Congratulations, you've strived to be different in this world. Not only that but if you play this monstrosity of a horn then you are probably in good shape. As far as your enemies I would say it would be the entire woodwind section, because it is your mission and goal in life to over play them in band. But of course the bass clarinets and saxophones more...

Do they put underwear on corpses?
Why do people say "The alarm just went off" when really it just came on?
If a vampire were Jewish would his Sabbath start at sunrise?
Why do child labor laws not prohibit children from acting in movies?
If your eyes are crossed, do your tears fall straight?
If a stripper gets breast implants can she write it off on her taxes as a business expense?
Is the vice president's wife called the second lady?
Do you wake up or open your eyes first?
Can you "zone out" and be "in the zone" at the same time?
If French kissing is a big thing in America, how do French people react to normal American kissing?
Why is it called a soap opera when nobody sings?

There was once a sheep farmer who needed help with the difficult task of castrating some of his inferior male sheep to keep them from breeding with the females. He hired a French guy who didn't speak English, but was a very good worker.

After the first day, they had successfully castrated 14 sheep and his French worker was just about to throw away the' parts', but the sheep farmer yelled, "No! Don't throw those away! My wife fries them up and we eat them. They're delicious and we call them' sheep fries'."

Later that day, the French hired hand came in for supper and indeed, the' sheep fries' were tasty.

The next day, they castrated 16 sheep, and the following evening they all settled down to another supper of' sheep fries'. The third day, however, when the sheep farmer came home, he asked his wife where the French hired hand was.

She said, "You know, it was the weirdest thing! I told him since there weren't very many' sheep more...

Q. Why are French streets tree-lined?A. So the Germans could march in the shade.

Q: Why don't they have fireworks at Euro Disney?A: Because every time they shoot them off, the French try to surrender.

Q: How can you identify a French Infantryman?A: Sunburned armpits.