Fruit Jokes / Recent Jokes

President JR and PM Premadasa died on the same day and they were sent to APAAYA (Hell) for punishment for the sins they have commited during their ruling the country. On the way to APAAYA Premadasa said to JR "Sir, shall we take some gifts to YAMA RAJJURUWO (The king of the hell). JR replied "Through out your life you were taking bribes from poor people and now you are thinking of bribing YAMA RAJJURUWO too. I do not like your idea"
Then Premadasa said to JR "Sir, you do not know the brutality of the punishments in the hell. If we take something YAMA RAJJUROWO will give us some simple punishments." Ultimately JR agreed to take some gift to YAMARAJJURUWO.
While they were walking through the path to the hell they saw a vegetable/fruit market and Premadasa said "Sir, shall we take some DURIAN (A local fruit)" Then JR said are you mad? why should we spend too much for this? If you really need let us take 2 lemons" Premadasa ultimately more...

'Twas the nocturnal segment of the diurnal period preceding the annual
yuletide celebration, and throughout our place of residence, kinetic activity
was not in evidence among the possessors of this potential, including that
species of domestic rodent known as Mus musculus. Hosiery was meticulously
suspended from the forward edge of the wood-burning caloric apparatus, pursuant
to our anticipatory pleasure regarding an imminent visitation from an eccentric
philanthropist among whose folkloric appellations is the honorific title of St.
Nicholas.
The prepubescent siblings, comfortably ensconced in their respective
accommodations of repose, were experiencing subconscious visual hallucinations
of variegated fruit confections moving rhythmically through their cerebra. My
conjugal partner and I, attired in our nocturnal cranial coverings, were about
to take slumbrous advantage of the hibernal darkness when upon the avenaceous
exterior more...

Whenever your kids are out of control, you can take comfort from the thought that even God's omnipotence did not extend to his kids.

After creating heaven and earth, God created Adam and Eve. And the first thing God said to them was:' 'Don't''

''Don't what?'' Adam asked

''Don't eat the forbidden fruit,'' said God.

''Forbidden fruit? Really? Where is it?'' Adam and Eve asked, jumping up and down excitedly.

''It's over there,'' said God, wondering why he hadn't stopped after making the elephants.

A few minutes later God saw the kids having an apple break and he was very angry.

''Didn't I tell you not to eat the fruit?'' the First Parent asked.

''Uh huh,'' Adam replied.

''Then why did you do it?'' God asked exasperated.

''I dunno,'' Adam answered.

God's punishment was that Adam and Eve should have children of their own.

Thus the pattern was set and it has more...

You’ll need the following: a cup of water, a cup of sugar, four large eggs, two cups of dried fruit, a teaspoon of baking soda, a teaspoon of salt, a cup of brown sugar, lemon juice, nuts, and a bottle of whisky.
Sample the whisky to check for quality.
Take a large bowl. Check the whisky again. To be sure it is the highest quality, pour one level cup and drink. Repeat. Turn on the electric mixer, beat one cup of butter in a large fluffy bowl. Add one teaspoon of sugar and beat again.
Make sure the whisky is still okay. Cry another tup. Turn off the mixer. Break two leggs and add to the bowl and chuck in the cup of dried fruit. Mix on the turner. If the fried druit gets stuck in the beaterers pry it loose with a drewscriver.
Sample the whisky to check for tonsisticity. Next, sift two cups of salt. Or something. Who cares? Check the whisky. Now sift the lemon juice and strain your nuts. Add one table. Spoon. Of sugar or something. Whatever you can find.
Grease more...

three brothers(bob billy and joe)were stranded in a desert they were more hungry than anything so they keep on walking. then they sudenly came past a fruit farm. the three brothers ran in different deractions to get their favorite kind. the farmer came out in time to see them, he got his gun and told them this "if you do what i say i will spare you your life! now go get 10 of your favorite kind of fruit!" they all did what he said. bob was the first to come back with 10 grapes the farmer said this "insert all 10 grapes up your behind with out flinching!" bob did what the farmer said but barly got the 1st one in with out flinching so the farmer shout him and bob went to the kingdom of god. billy was the next one to come and the farmer had him do the same thing. billy was on the last one when he laughed the famer thought he flinched so he was shout to. when bob and billy were reunited bob asked billy " how could you laugh at something like that" and billy more...

John, Bob, and Steve were traveling through Africa. When, out of the bushes a tribe of natives grabs all three. The tribal chief tells them that they have to go out into the jungle and gather up ten pieces of the same fruit. So, John is the first back and he is carrying ten apples. He shows his apples to the chief and the chief said "You have successfully completed the first test. The second test is you have to bend over and have all the fruit shoved up your ass without making a sound." John bends over and takes the first apple, on the second he screams with horrible pain. The chief kills John and John rises to heaven.
Next, Bob comes walking out of the jungle with ten grapes. The chief says, "You have successfully completed the first test. The second test is you have to bend over and have all the fruit shoved up your ass without making a sound." Bob bends over and takes the first without feeling a thing. He takes the second, third, fourth, fifth, sixth, more...

1. The good Fruit is always good and remains delicious.
2. The forbidden fruit Appeals better but it never remains good
and delicious.
3. The good Fruit is healthy happiness.
4. The forbidden fruit remains Commercial.
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