Fruit Jokes / Recent Jokes

A duck walks into a general store and asks the manager," Gotany fresh fruit?""No.""Got any fresh vegetables?""No. We have only canned and dry goods."The next day, the duck returns."Got any fresh fruit?""No.""Got any fresh vegetables?""No. I told you yesterday, we have only canned and dry goods. If you come back tomorrow and ask me the same question, I'll nail your flippers to the floor."On the 3rd day, the duck walks in and asks,"Got any nails?""No.""Got any fresh fruit?"

To those of us who have children in our lives, whether they are our own, grandchildren, nieces, nephews, or students... here is something to make you chuckle.
Whenever your children are out of control, you can take comfort from the thought that even God's omnipotence did not extend to His own children.
After creating heaven and earth, God created Adam and Eve. And the first thing he said was, "DON'T!"
"Don't what?" Adam replied.
"Don't eat the forbidden fruit," God said.
" Forbidden fruit? We have forbidden fruit? Hey Eve... we have forbidden fruit!!!!!"
"No Way!"
"Yes way!"
"Do NOT eat the fruit!" said God.
"Why?"
"Because I am your Father and I said so!" God replied, wondering why He hadn't stopped creation after making the elephants. A few minutes later, God saw His children having an apple break and He was ticked!
"Didn't I tell you more...

Two nuns turn up at the fruit market and ask the veggie man for 120 cucumbers. The guy advises: "Sisters, if you buy 3 crates, that's 150, you'll get a 25% discount! " The nuns look at each other, and after a prolonged period of thinking one whispers to the other:"We could eat the 30, I suppose."

Whenever your kids are out of control, you can take comfort from the thought that even God's omnipotence did not extend to God's kids. After creating heaven and earth, God created Adam and Eve. And the first thing He said to them was:
"Don't." "Don't what?" Adam replied. "Don't eat the forbidden fruit." God said.
"Forbidden fruit? We got forbidden fruit? Hey, Eve...we got Forbidden Fruit!" "No way!" "Yes, WAY!"
"Don't eat that fruit!" said God. "Why?" "Because I'm your Father and I said so!" said God, wondering why he hadn't stopped after making the elephants. A few minutes later God saw the kids having an apple break and was angry.
"Didn't I tell you not to eat that fruit?" the First Parent asked. "Uh huh," Adam replied. "Then why did you?" "I dunno," Eve answered. "She started it!" Adam said. "Did not!" "DID more...

Whenever your kids are out of control, you can take comfort from the thought that even God's omnipotence did not extend to God's kids. After creating heaven and earth, God created Adam and Eve. And the first thing He said to them was:"Don't." "Don't what?" Adam replied. "Don't eat the forbidden fruit." God said."Forbidden fruit? We got forbidden fruit? Hey, Eve...we got Forbidden Fruit!" "No way!" "Yes, WAY!""Don't eat that fruit!" said God. "Why?" "Because I'm your Father and I said so!" said God, wondering why he hadn't stopped after making the elephants. A few minutes later God saw the kids having an apple break and was angry."Didn't I tell you not to eat that fruit?" the First Parent asked. "Uh huh," Adam replied. "Then why did you?" "I dunno," Eve answered. "She started it!" Adam said. "Did not!" "DID so!" "DID more...

'Twas the nocturnal segment of the diurnal period preceding the annual Yuletide
celebration

'Twas the nocturnal segment of the diurnal period preceding the annual Yuletide
celebration, and throughout our place of residence, kinetic activity was not in
evidence among the possessors of this potential, including that species of
domestic rodent known as Mus musculus. Hosiery was meticulously suspended from
the forward edge of the wood burning caloric apparatus, pursuant to our
anticipatory pleasure regarding an imminent visitation from an eccentric
philanthropist among whose folkloric appellations is the honorific title of
St. Nicholas.

The prepubescent siblings, comfortably ensconced in their respective
accommodations of repose, were experiencing subconscious visual hallucinations
of variegated fruit confections moving rhythmically through their cerebrums. My
conjugal partner and I, attired in our nocturnal head more...

There was three men walking through the rainforest one day when they came accross a tribe of cannibals. The cannibals gave them an ultimatum, to go out into the forest and bring back three pieces of fruit each, or be eaten. The men most obviously chose to search for fruit.They each went thier seperate ways to look for thier bounty. The first man to come back, came with 3 strawberrys. It was as he arrived back at the camp that the chief explained to them that he would be putting the fruit up his bottom. And if he moved or made the slightest noise, he would be eaten. The man complied, but on the second strawberry surcumb to the pain and winced. Evidently he was eaten and was waiting for the next man to come along to see what happened to him. Sure enough the second man came along with 3 apples. It was the same deal, but on the last apple, he began to crack up laughing. Sure enough, he was also eaten. As he arrived in heaven, the first man asked him, "why did you do that? You were more...