Fuck Jokes / Recent Jokes

IF any Sri Lankan women want to fuck
just call this number 578-2571
Don't be scared to call this number after 6pm
I will fuck you all very nice and sweetly
I am an expert in this

It is Thanksgiving Day and a family is preparing dinner awaiting the arrival of the children's grandparents. Thomas, who is four is running around looking for is new pair of grey socks. He ventures up to the washroom where his mother is putting makeup on. Not realizing the boy is there she yells "shit" when she accidently gets makeup in her eyes. Never hearing the word before, the boy asks her, "Mommie, what does shit mean?"
The mother quickly replies, "Shit is just another word for makeup dear."
Thomas then asks his mom if she knows where his socks are and she tells him to go downstairs and ask his father.
The boy's father is stuffing the turkey when he cuts his finger by mistake. He says "fuck." The boy asks him if he's seen his socks and the father tells him to go look in his sister's room. Before the boy leaves he asks his father what fuck means and the father says "stuff". "Like stuffing a more...

A man with no ears is trying to find a new reporter for their news show. The first guy walks in and the boss says, "This job requires you noticing a lot of details. What is one thing you notice about me?" And the guy says, "Well shit! You got no ears man!" So the boss yells "Get the fuck out!". So the next guy comes in and the boss says to him, "This job requires you noticing a lot of details. What is something you notice about me?" And the guy says, "That's easy. You got no ears!" So the boss says, to him, "Get the fuck out!" As the second guy leaves he sees the third guy about to go in and says to him, "The boss has no ears so don't say anything about them, he is really sensitive about it." So the guy goes in and the boss says, "This job requires you to notice a lot of details. What is one that you notice about me?" So the guy says, "Your wearing contacts!" And the boss says, "Yeah, how more...

HOUSE SEX - When you are newly married and have sex all over the house in every room.

BEDROOM SEX - After you have been married for a while, you only have sex in the bedroom.

HALL SEX - After you've been married for many, many years you just pass each other in the hall and say "FUCK YOU"

COURTROOM SEX - When your wife and her lawyer fuck you in the divorce court in front of many people for every penny you've got.

One day a young just married couple were driving in their audi TT. Their names were Harder (male) and Fuck Me (female).

Harder and Fuck me needed some cash, so they stopped at a local bank. Harder
ran in to the ATM while Fuck Me waited in the car.

A strange man with an obvious giant boner walks up to the window and says "Hi, whats your name?" and she answers "Fuck Me". So he says "Ok" and gets in the car and screws her.

She starts screaming "Harder Harder Harder!!!" And then he says "Lady I can't fuck that hard!"

-Jessica

You must be surprised that I’m writing you today, the 26th of December. Well, I would very much like to clear up certain things that have occurred since the beginning of the month! While filled with illusion I wrote you a letter and I asked for a bicycle, an electric train set, a pair of rollerblades, and a football uniform. I destroyed my brain studying the whole year!
Not only was I the first in my class, but I had the best grades in the whole school. I’m not going to lie to you, Santa, there was no one in my entire neighborhood that behaved better than me. With my parents, my brothers, my friends and with my neighbors, I would go on errands and even help the elderly cross the street.
There was virtually nothing I wouldn’t do for humanity!
WHAT BALLS YOU HAVE LEAVING ME A FUCKING YO-YO, A STUPID ASS WHISTLE, AND A PAIR OF SOCKS! WHAT THE FUCK WERE YOU THINKING, YOU FAT SON OF A BITCH? YOU’VE TAKEN ME FOR A SUCKER THE WHOLE FUCKING YEAR, TO COME OUT WITH SOME more...

The young hooker left her room for a while, so she put a sign on the door in case any clients came by. It read, "Out to lunch. Go fuck yourself."