Fuck Jokes / Recent Jokes

One day, a young boy heard his parents having an argument. While they were arguing, the boy heard his mom call his dad a bastard, and his dad call his mom a bitch. After they were done, he asked his mom what a bastard was and she replied by saying it was a boy. He then asked his dad what a bitch was and he replied that it was a girl.
That night, the boy heard them having sex and also heard them say tit and dick. The next day, which happened to be Thanksgiving, he asked his dad what a tit was and his father said it was a hat. Then he asked his mom what a dick was and she said it was a coat.
A short time later, when he entered the kitchen, his mother was stuffing the turkey, cut her finger and said, "Fuck!" So, the boy asked what fuck was and the mother said, "It's what I'm doing to this turkey."
Then, he was watching his father shave his beard. His father cut himself and said, "Shit!" The boy asked his father what shit was and the father more...

T H E "F" - W O R D S T Y L E G U I D E
Perhaps one of the most interesting and colorful words in the English language today is the word "fuck". It is the one magical word which, just by its sound, can describe pain, pleasure, love, and hate.
In language"fuck” falls into many grammatical categories. It can be used as a verb, both transitive (John fucked Mary) and intransitive (Mary was fucked by John).
It can be an action verb (John really gives a fuck), a passive verb (Mary really doesn't give a fuck), an adverb (Mary is fucking interested in John), or as a noun (Mary is a terrific fuck). It can also be used as an adjective(Mary is fucking beautiful) or an interjection (Fuck! I'm late for my date with Mary).
It can even be used as a conjunction (Mary is easy, fuck she's also stupid). As you can see, there are very few words with the overall versatility of the word "fuck".
Aside from its sexual connotations, this incredible more...

Reasons Women Should Not Have Freedom of Speech...1. She doesn't need to talk to get me a beer.2. If she's in the kitchen like she should be, no one can hear her anyway.3. If she can talk, all she'll do is complain.4. Because she won't say "I will" instead of "I do."5. No man wants to hear "first down" during a basketball game.6. Because PMS is no excuse for whining.7. No man needs or wants to hear the word "period" unless it has to do with hockey.8. Women created tampon and yeast infection commercials during football.9. Affirmative action.10. When men whistle at them in the street, they should just shut up and obey.11. If my dick's in her mouth, she can't talk anyway.12. Oprah.13. Feminists.14. Because that stupid look on her face should not be accompanied by an equally stupid statement.15. The 2nd and 19th amendments.16. I don't want to be made to lie and say "I love you" after sex.17. Highway fatalities would decrease by over more...

December 26, 1999Dear Santa, You must be surprised that I'm writing to you today, the 26th of December. Well I would very much like to clear up certain things that have occurred since the beginning of the month, when, filled with illusion, I wrote you my letter. I asked for a bicycle, an electric train set, a pair of roller blades, and a football uniform. I destroyed my brain studying the whole year. Not only was I the first in my class, but I had the best grades in the whole school. I'm not going to lie to you, there was no one in my entire neighborhood that behaved better than me, with my parents, my brothers, my friends, and with my neighbors. I would go on errands, and even help the elderly cross the street. There was virtually nothing within reach that I would not do for humanity. What balls do you have leaving me a fucking yo-yo, a stupid whistle, and a pair of socks? What the fuck were you thinking you fat son of a bitch?! That you have taken me for a sucker the whole fucking more...

A priest and a sailor are playing golf together, the sailor steps up to hit his ball, he takes a swing and misses and he says"FUCK I MISSED" the priest says to him "my son, if you swear god will punish you". The sailor takes another swing misses again and says "fuck, i missed" the priest replies "i told you my son if you curse god will punish you"
They eventually get to the green, the sailor putts the ball and barely misses the hole and again the sailor says "fuck I missed" and suddenly athuncer bolt shoots down and hits the priest and kills him and a powerful and deep voice says "AH FUCK I MISSED"

What the fuck was that? The Mayor of HiroshimaLook at all these fucking IndiansGeneral CusterFull speed ahead and fuck the icebergs!-- Captain of the TitanicThat's not a fucking real gunJohn LennonThe fucking throttle's stuckDonald CampbellWho's going to fucking know? President NixonHeads are going to fucking rollHenry VIIIWatch him, he'll have some fucker's eye outKing HaroldScattered showers my fucking assNoahWhere the fuck have you been? Stanley to LivingstonCan you smell fucking gas? Captain of the HindenburgFuck you Brutus! Julius Caeser

It has been brought to management's attention that some individuals throughout the group have been using foul language during the course of normal conversation with their co-workers. Due to complaints received from some employees who may be easily offended, this type of language will be no longer tolerated.
We do however, realize the critical importance of being able to accurately express your feelings when communicating with co-workers, therefore, a list of "TRY SAYING" new phrases has been provided so that proper exchange of ideas and information can continue in an effective manner without risk of offending our more sensitive employees.
SO:
TRY SAYING: Perhaps I can work late.
INSTEAD OF: When the fuck do you expect me to do this?
TRY SAYING: I'm certain that is not feasible.
INSTEAD OF: No fucking way!!
TRY SAYING: Really?
INSTEAD OF: You've got to be shitting me?
TRY SAYING: Perhaps you should check with...
INSTEAD OF: more...