Fuck Jokes / Recent Jokes

One balmy evening in Rome the Pope decides to take a walk. He slips out the rear door of the Vatican and is walkingthrough the back alleys of Rome when he sees a ten-year-oldboy smoking a cigarette. The Pope gently says to him, "Youngman, you're much too young to smoke!"The kid looks up at the Pope and says, "Fuck you!"The Pope is completely taken aback. "What?" he says. "You saythat to *me*, the Pontiff, the Vicar of Christ, the head ofthe Roman Catholic Church? I am the spiritual leader formillions of people, young man, the representative of God, and you dare to say that to *me*? No, no, no, kid, fuck *YOU*!"

One sunny day, Shit, Manners and fuck off were taking a ride into town. but all of a sudden, shit got knocked over and fuck off went to call an ambulance.
He rung 911 and said: "Ambulance please!"
"what is your name?"
"fuck off"
"no honestly !"
"F U C K O F F!"
"come on now, no jokes!"
" FUCK OFF!!! "
" come on laddie, where is your manners!"
" ermmmmmm... he is half way down the street picking shit up"

Things that make me cringe!:
1. The Pillsbury doughboy is way too happy considering he has no genitals.
2. People who are willing to get off their ass to search the room for the TV remote because they refuse to walk to the TV and change the channel manually.
3. The Norwich Life commercial where the old bastard answers the phone, says hello and then immediately tells his wife "It's Patrick! He bought life insurance!" Excuse me? how did Patrick find the time to tell you this? You barely breathed between "Hello" and It's Patrick". And why the hell do you have big sheets of bristol board and thick markers by the phone? Do you people play Pictionary over the phone often?
4. When people say "Oh you just want to have your cake and eat it too". Fuck off! What good is a damn cake you can't eat? What, should I eat someone else's cake Instead?
5. When people say "It's always in the last place you look". Of course it is. Why would more...

Things that make me cringe!:1. The Pillsbury doughboy is way too happy considering he has no genitals.2. People who are willing to get off their ass to search the room for the TV remote because they refuse to walk to the TV and change the channel manually.3. The Norwich Life commercial where the old bastard answers the phone, says hello and then immediately tells his wife "It's Patrick! He bought life insurance!" Excuse me? how did Patrick find the time to tell you this? You barely breathed between "Hello" and It's Patrick". And why the hell do you have big sheets of bristol board and thick markers by the phone? Do you people play Pictionary over the phone often? 4. When people say "Oh you just want to have your cake and eat it too". Fuck off! What good is a damn cake you can't eat? What, should I eat someone else's cake Instead? 5. When people say "It's always in the last place you look". Of course it is. Why would you keep looking after more...

Perhaps one of the most interesting and colorful words in the English language today is the word "fuck". It is the one magical word which, just by its sound, can describe pain, pleasure, love, and hate.

In language, "fuck" falls into many grammatical categories.

It can be used as a verb, both transitive (John fucked Mary) and intransitive (Mary was fucked by John).

It can be an action verb (John really gives a fuck), a passive verb (Mary really doesn't give a fuck), an adverb (Mary is fucking interested in John), or as a noun (Mary is a terrific fuck).

It can also be used as an adjective (Mary is fucking beautiful) or an interjection (Fuck! I'm late for my date with Mary).

It can even be used as a conjunction (Mary is easy, fuck she's also stupid).

As you can see, there are very few words with the overall versatility of the word "fuck". Aside from its sexual connotations, this incredible more...

If figures in history spoke like you and me...

"What the fuck was that?"
- Mayor of Hiroshima

"Where the fuck is all this water coming from?"
- Captain of the Titanic

"That's not a real fucking gun."
- John Lennon

"Who's gonna fucking find out?"
- Richard Nixon

"Heads are going to fucking roll."
- Anne Boleyn

"Let the fucking woman drive."
- Commander of Space Shuttle

"What fucking map?"
- "Challenger," Mark Thatcher

"Any fucking idiot could understand that."
- Albert Einstein

"It does so fucking look like her!"
- Picasso

"How the fuck did you work that out?"
- Pythagoras

"You want what on the fucking ceiling?"
- Michaelangelo

"Fuck a duck."
- Walt more...

A woman goes into a pet shop looking for a parrot.

The assistant shows her a beautiful African Grey parrot.

"What about this one, Madam? A beautiful bird, I'm sure you'll agree, and it's an absolute steal at only $20.

"Why is it that cheap?" the woman asks

"Well", replies the assistant, "it used to live in a brothel and as a result its language is a touch fruity"

"Oh, I don't mind that", said the woman, making her mind up, "I'm broad minded and it'll be a laugh having a profane parrot".

So saying, she buys the parrot and takes him home.

Once safely in his new home, the parrot looks around and squawks at the woman "Fuck me, a fucking new brothel and a fucking new madam"

"I'm not a madam and this isn't a brothel" says the woman indignantly, but she sees the funny side and let's it drop.

A little later the woman's more...