Fuckin Jokes / Recent Jokes

Dear Santa,
You must be suprised that I'm writing to you on the 26th of December. I would like you to remember that I asked for a pair of rollar blades, a bicycle, an electric train, and a football uniform. I destroyed my brain studying this whole year. Not only was I the first class, but I had the best grades in the whole school. I'm not going to lie to you, but there was nobody in my neighborhood who behaved better than me including to my parents, my brothers and sisters, my neighbors, and my friends. I would even help the elderly across the street and go on errands. There was virtually nothing within reach that I would not do for humanity. What ball you have leaving me a fuckin yoyo, a lame whistle, and a pair of ugly socks. What the fuck were you thinking, you fat ugly prick, that you've taken me for a sucker the whole fuckin year to come out lile this with shit under the tree. As if u hadn't fucked me enough you gave that little quiff across the street so many toys he can't more...

This guy walks into a bank and says to the teller at the window, "I want to open a fuckin' checking account."
To which the lady replied, "I beg your pardon, what did you say?"
"Listen up dammit, I said I want to open a fuckin' checking account right now."
"Sir, I'm sorry but we do not tolerate that kind of language in this bank!" The teller left the window and went over to the bank manager and told him about her situation.
They both returned and the manager asked, "What seems to be the problem here?"
"There's no damn problem," the man says, "I just won $50 million in the lottery and I want to open a fuckin' checking account in this damn bank!"
"I see sir...," the manager said, "...and this bitch is giving you a hard time?"

There's a blonde in a bar, huge tits, an ass to die for...all round fuckin' babe. A group of guys across the bar see this fine lookin' lady and decide they are going to see if the leader of the group can pick this chick up! So all the guys put $20 in the pot and send off this sorry bastard toward the blonde. He's standing there, she smiles...he whispers a few sweet nothings in her ear, she laughs...he takes her by the hand, and she leaves with him. The guys can't believe it!
So the guy and gal end up goin' back to his place. The guy has the largest fuckin' dick on in the world and before a fat bitch could finish eating a penis, they're fucking like
pigs!
After about 2 minutes of hard wet and juicy banging, the guy cums all over the bitch an decides he's had enough and tells the blonde to roll over.
After about 3 minutes of layin' around the blonde turns towards the guy and asks, "Do you have AIDS?" He says, "Fuck no!" And she replies, more...

A guy walks into a bank and says to the teller at the window, "I want to open a fuckin'' checking account"
To which the lady replied, "I beg your pardon, what did you say?"
"Listen up dammit, I said I want to open a fuckin'' checking account right now."
"Sir, I''m sorry but we do not tolerate that kind of language in this bank!"
The teller left the window and went over to the bank manager and told him about her situation. They both returned and the manager asked, "What seems to be the problem here?"
"There''s no damn problem," the man said, "I just won 50 million in the lottery and I want to open a fuckin'' checking account in this damn bank!"
"I see sir," the manager said, "and this bitch is giving you a hard time?"

This guy walks into a bank and says to the teller at the window, "I want to open a fuckin' checking account."

To which the lady replied, "I beg your pardon, what did you say?"

"Listen up dammit, I said I want to open a fuckin' checking account right now."

"Sir, I'm sorry but we do not tolerate that kind of language in this bank!" The teller left the window and went over to the bank manager and told him about her situation.

They both returned and the manager asked, "What seems to be the problem here?"

"There's no damn problem," the man says, "I just won $50 million in the lottery and I want to open a fuckin' checking account in this damn bank!"

"I see sir.. . ," the manager said, ".. . and this bitch is giving you a hard time?"

A sailor was talking about the last time he was on leave...
"So it was the first fuckin' leave in six fuckin' months. I dropped off my fuckin' uniform at the fuckin' Y, went to a fuckin' bar, and picked up a fuckin' broad. I took her to a fuckin' hotel, laid her out on the fuckin' bed, and had sexual intercourse."

One day Fred decided he wanted to take up deer hunting. So Fred went to the local sporting goods stored and asked the shopkepper. "I need a really nice gun to hunt deer with"
The shopkeeper gave him a gun and said, "This gun is perfect for any deer"
Taking the gun, and jumping into his Jeep the new hunter went into the woods to search for deer. While looking around for his new sport, he saw nothing. Then, when he was just about ready to give up he saw a Bear in the distance. Not wanting to waste this journey he took aim and, BOOM! When the smoke cleared to his surprise, no bear.
Suddenly, Fred felt a tap on his shoulder. Turning, he saw the bear.
"What the hell do you think you are doing?" asked the bear.
"I'm sorry, I did mean to, I'll never do it again!" whined Fred.
"Pull down your pants, just so you understand how serious I am" explains the Bear.
Reluctantly, Fred does this and WHAM, the bear screws him more...