Funeral Jokes / Recent Jokes
As Mr. Smith was on his death bed, he attempted to formulate a plan that would allow him to take at least some of his considerable wealth with him. He called for the three men he trusted most his lawyer, his doctor, and his clergyman. He told them, “I’m going to give you each $30, 000 in cash before I die. At my funeral, I want you to place the money in my coffin so that I can try to take it with me. ”
All three agreed to do this and were given the money. At the funeral, each approached the coffin in turn and placed an envelope inside. While riding in the limousine to the cemetery, the clergyman said “I have to confess something to you fellows. Brother Smith was a good churchman all his life, and I know he would have wanted me to do this. The church needed a new baptistery very badly, and I took $10, 000 of the money he gave me and bought one. I only put $20, 000 in the coffin. ”
The physician then said, “Well, since we’re confiding in one another, more...
At a Las Vegas gambler's funeral, the Minister, trying to console the grieving family, said "Sam's not dead, he only sleeps."
At that, a man jumped up in the back of the funeral parlor and said, "I got a thousand at 10 to 1 sez he's dead."
Why are there only two paul-bearers at a Mexican funeral?
There are only two handles on a garbage can!
A long New Orleans style funeral procession passes by, but instead of a jazz band, it? s lead by a man walking a lion. Behind the coffin walk at least 200 people.
A bystander asks the man,? What? s going on??
? My lion ate my lawyer and this is his funeral,? is the reply.
? Could I borrow your lion?? asks the bystander.? I? ve got a lawyer I? d like to have eaten.?
? Sorry, but you? ll have to get at the end of that line,? said the man, pointing to the 200 people following the coffin.
How many men do you need for a mafia funeral? Only one. To slam the car boot shut.
Why are there only two paul-bearers at a Mexican funeral? There are only two handles on a garbage can!
A rascal lived a hard life and barely managed not to starve to death. One day he happened to pass a household that was holding the funeral of one of its family members. He slipped in and cried bitterly in front of the memorial tablet of the dead. Nobody knew him, so, surprised, people asked him why he cried. "I was best friends with the dead. We hadn't seen each other for months. Now he has passed away, how could I not feel sad? Since I just happened to be passing, I wasn't prepared for this. All I can do now is to cry for my best friend, which is an expression of our friendship." The family was deeply moved at this and invited him for dinner. On his way home the rascal met a friend whose life was equally precarious. "Where did you manage to eat and drink today?" the friend asked the rascal, who told him the story from beginning to end. The next day the friend also found a family that was holding a funeral and cried likewise. When they asked him the reason, he more...