Funny Ads Jokes / Recent Jokes
Sign in a podiatrist's window: "Time wounds all heels." Sign in a butcher's window: "Let me meat your needs." Sign on used car lot: "Second hand cars in first crash condition." Sign on fence: "Salesmen welcome. Dog food is expensive." Sign in a car dealership office: "The best way to get back on your feet - miss a car payment." Sign over a cannibal's hut: "I never met a man I didn't like." Sign in a muffler shop: "No appointment necessary. We'll hear you coming." Sign at a hotel. "Help! We need inn-experienced people."
Sign in a science teacher's room: "If it moves, it's biology. If it stinks, it's chemistry. If it doesn't work, it's physics."Sign in butchers window: "Pleased to meat you." Sign on auto body shop: "May we have the next dents?" Sign at the dry cleaner's window: "Drop your pants here." Sign on a parking space at a garden nursery: "Reserved for plant manager." Sign in an Acapulco Hotel: "The manager has personally passed all the water served here." Sign in a Norwegian lounge: "Ladies are requested not to have children in the bar." Sign on a door to a psychiatric ward: "Please do not disturb further."
Sign in an office: "We shoot every 3rd salesman, and the 2nd one just left." Sign in a veterinary's waiting room: "Be back in 5 minutes. Sit! Stay!" Sign on music teachers' door: "Out Chopin." Sign at the electic company: "We would be delighted if you send in your bill. However, if you don't, you will be."Sign in beauty shop window: "Dye now!" Sign on a garbage truck: "We've got what it takes to take what you've got." Sign at a computer store: "Out for a quick byte." Sign on restaurant window: "Don't stand there and be hungry. Come in and get fed up."
Sign in a bowling alley: "Please be quiet. We need to hear a pin drop." Sign for a litter of dachshund pups: "Get a `long` little doggie!" Sign in a cafeteria: "Shoes are required to eat in the cafeteria. In pencil beneath the sign: Socks can eat anyplace they want."Sign on a music library's door: "Bach in a minuet." Sign in a restaurant window: "T-bone steak $1 Then, in fine print underneath: With meat $12"A hardware store in Oregon has a sign that reads: "Today's special. Below it says: So's tomorrow."Sign on restaurant window: "Great food (50,000 flies can't be wrong)." Billboard facing the road in front of a funeral home: "Drive carefully. We'll wait."
Sign on a Norfolk farm: "Trespassers beware! I shoot every tenth trespasser. The ninth one just left."Sign seen in London department store: "Bargain Basement Upstairs" Sign seen in the vicinity of Victoria Station: "Closed for official opening." Sign in a Paris hotel elevator: "Please leave your values at the front desk." Sign in a hotel in Athens: "Visitors are expected to complain at the office between the hours of 9 and 11 A.M. daily."Sign in a Yugoslavian hotel: "The flattening of underwear with pleasure is the job of the chambermaid."Sign in a Japanese hotel: "You are invited to take advantage of the chambermaid." Sign in a Moscow hotel across from a Russian Orthodox monastery: "You are welcome to visit the cemetery where famous Russian composers, artists, and writers are buried daily except Thursday.
Sign in a Rome laundry: "Ladies, leave your clothes here and spend the afternoon having a good time.Sign in the window of a Swedish furrier: "Fur coats made for ladies from their own skin." Sign on the box of a clockwork toy made in Hong Kong: "Guaranteed to work throughout its useful life." Detour sign in Kobe, Japan: "Stop: Drive Sideways." Sign in a Swiss mountain inn: "Special today -- no ice cream." Sign in a Copenhagen airline ticket office: "We take your bags and send them in all directions." Sign on the door of a Moscow hotel room: "If this is your first visit to the USSR, you are welcome to it." Sign in a Norwegian cocktail lounge: "Ladies are requested not to have children in the bar."
At a restaurant in New York: "Tip-ing is not a city in China." Sign in a grocery store: "Snickers, 5 for 1.00$.(limit 4)"On a dock in Juneau, Alaska: "Safety ladder, climb at own risk." Seen on an electrical appliance store in Spokane, WA "Go modern! Go gas! Go BOOM!" Emergency Evacuation Plan posted in various places around my office building: "Run like Anything!" Biggs Septic Tank Service (near Nashville Tennessee) "Call Monday thru Friday, sorry, we haul milk on weekends."Sign on the wall of the office of an ethnologist: "Beware of bargains in 1. Parachutes 2. Life preservers 3. Brain surgery 4. Eye CareBillboard sign on a highway coming out of Austin, TX: "Nobody reads billboards.... But you just did: )"