Gabriel Jokes / Recent Jokes

Bill Gates died and, much to everyone's surprise, went to Heaven. When
he got there, he had to wait in the reception area.
Heaven's reception area was the size of Massachusetts. There were
literally millions of people milling about, living in tents with nothing to
do all day. Food and water were being distributed from the backs of trucks,
while staffers with clipboards slowly worked their way through the crowd.
Booze and drugs were being passed around. Fights were commonplace.
Sanitation conditions were appalling. All in all, the scene looked like
Woodstock gone metastatic.
Bill lived in a tent for three weeks until, finally, one of the
staffers approached him. The staffer was a young man in his late teens,
face scarred with acne. He was wearing a blue T-shirt with the words TEAM
PETER emblazoned on it in large yellow lettering.
"Hello," said the staffer in a bored voice that could have been the
voice of more...

A WEALTHY man, noted during his lifetime for his selfishness and meanness, died and arrived outside the Heavenly Gates. He was disconcerted to find that before entering, he was required to explain why he should deserve admission. So he told Saint Peter how once, on a cold winter's day, he had given two pence to an old lady who was starving, and on another occasion, he had given a penny to a little boy whose parents had been killed in a revolution. Saint Peter transmitted this information to Gabriel and inquired,' What shall I do with this applicant?' Gabriel said,' Give him his three pence back and tell him to go to hell.'

Mother Teresa went to Heaven and she was walking around - checking the place out. She walked up to St Peter and said' 'Where would I go to make a complaint?''

St Peter told her to go see Gabriel. She goes to Gabriel and asks' 'Why does Princess Di have a bigger halo than me.

Gabriel says,' 'SHHHHH... That's not a halo. That's a steering wheel.

A lawyer died and arrived at the Pearly Gates. Saint Peter asked him, "What have you done to merit entrance into Heaven?"

The lawyer thought a moment, then said, "A week ago, I gave a quarter to a homeless person on the street."

Saint Peter asked Gabriel to check this out in the records, and after a moment Gabriel affirmed that it was true. Saint Peter said, "Well, that's fine, but it's not really quite enough to get you into Heaven."

The Lawyer said, "Wait, wait! There's more! Three years ago, I also gave a homeless person a quarter."

Saint Peter nodded to Gabriel, who, after a moment, nodded back to affirm that it was true.

Saint Peter then whispered to Gabriel, "Well, what do you suggest we do with this fellow?"

Gabriel gave the lawyer a sidelong glance, then said to Saint Peter, "Let's give him back his 50 cents and tell him to go to Hell."

A nun comes to her Mother Superior and asks her to hear a confession: "Today I enjoyed the pleasures of the flesh. Father Goodwin came to me and told me that I had the gates to Heaven here between my legs. Then he said that he had the key to Heaven, and he put it in the gates."
"BASTARD!" cried the Mother Superior. "For years he told me it was Gabriel's trumpet and I have been blowing it."

A man dies and goes to Heaven.
The angel Gabriel meets him at the Pearly Gates and takes him on a guided tour.
The man sees various groups of people all standing around and talking to each
other.
"These are the Buddhists," says Gabriel. "And over there are the Jews, and the
Hindus. Over here are the Muslims, and over yonder are the Jehova's Witnesses."
In fact, the man sees every religious group, every nationality, and every
culture in Heaven.
Eventually, the pair comes to a large wall.
"Hey, what's this wall doing in Heaven?" asked the man.
"SHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!" said Gabriel. "Lower your voice. Behind that wall are the
Americans. They like to think that they're the only ones here."

A lawyer died and was greeted at the pearly gates by St. Peter. "What have you done to merit entrance into Heaven?" St. Peter asked him.
After thinking for a moment, the lawyer replied, "I gave a quarter to a homeless person on the street about a week ago."
St. Peter asked Gabriel to check this out and, sure enough, it was true.
"That's fine," said St. Peter, "but not quite enough to get you into Heaven."
"That's more!" declared the lawyer. "Three years ago I also gave a homeless person a quarter."
Again St. Peter instructed Gabriel to check this out. A moment later, Gabriel confirmed that this too was true.
Leaning closer and whispering to Gabriel, St. Peter asked, "What do you suggest we do with this fellow?"
Glancing over at the lawyer, Gabriel replied, "I suggest we refund him his fifty cents and tell him to go to hell."