Gal Jokes / Recent Jokes

Three women left separately after a very late night out drinking Guinness until the early hours. They met the next day for an early pint, and compared notes about who had been the most drunk.
The first gal claims that she was the drunkest, saying, "I drove straight home, walked into the house, and as soon as I got through the door, I blew chunks".
To which the second gal replied, "You think that was drunk? I got in my car, drove out of the parking lot, and wrapped my car around the first tree I saw. I don't even have insurance!"
And the third proclaimed, "I was by far the most drunk. I got home, I go in a big fight with my husband, knocked a candle over and burned the whole house down!"
They all looked at each other for a moment. Then the first gal says: "Ladies, I don't think you understand. Chunks is my dog."

There was a man who wanted a pure wife. So he started to attend church to find a woman. He met a gal who seemed nice so he took her home. When they got there, he whips out his manhood and asks "What's this?" She replies "A cock." He thinks to himself that she is not pure enough.
A couple of weeks later he meets another gal and soon takes her home. Again, he pulls out his manhood and asks the question. She replies "A cock". He is pissed because she seemed more pure than the first but oh well.
A couple of weeks later he meets a gal who seems real pure. She won't go home with him for a long time but eventually he gets her to his house. He whips it out and asks, "What is this?" She giggles and says "A pee-pee" He thinks to himself that he has finally found his woman.
They get married but after several months every time she sees his member she giggles and says "That's your pee-pee." He finally breaks down and says more...

Gal announced her engagement 2 her Dad.
Dad: Does dis fellow hav money?
Gal: O! Dad, U men r all alike, tats exactly wat he asked me abt U!

1) Ms. Nice Gal -' Tickets to the boxing match? Oh Darling, you shouldn't have' Also known as: What a gal, precious, one of the boys, my main squeeze, doormat Advantages: Cheerful, agreeable, kindly Disadvantages: May wise up someday

2) Old Yeller -' You G-D spineless good-for-nothing drag-ass no-talent son of a bitch! Can't you see you're making me miserable??' Also known as: She-Devil, Sourpuss, the Nag, My Old Lady, Warthog from Hell Advantages: Pays attention to you Disadvantages: Screeches, throws frying pans

3) Sickly -' Oh, my head. My head. My feet. My cramps. My cellulite' Also known as: Whiner, Mewler, Glumpy Advantages: Predictable Disadvantages: Contagious

4) The Bosser -' Stand up straight. Put on a different tie. Get a haircut. Change your job. Make some money. Don't give me that look.' Also known as: Whipcracker, The Sarge, Ms. Know-it-all, Ball and Chain, yes Mom Advantages: Often right Disadvantages: Often right, but so more...