Gambling Jokes / Recent Jokes

A man goes into a bar, and he looks like a complete bum. He sits down and asks for a bottle of brandy. The bartender says"
I am going to have to see some money first"
. So...out of his pocket, the bum takes a HUGE wad of 20's 50's and 100 dollar bills.
The bartender...stunned of course says "
Jesus crist, how did you get all that?"
The man replies, "
I am a gambling man."
"
But gambling is only 50/50. How can you win so much money!?"
"
I only bet on the things I know I can win on."
Says the gambler. "
take this for example. I bet you $200 I can bite my right eye."
The bartender says "
Yeah right. Go ahead."
So the man takes out his right false eye and bites it.
"
Damn you! You jipped me"
the bartender yelled."
and gave the man $200
"
That's how I win money. ok...got another one. I'll bet you another $200 I can more...

A HARYANVI peasant was given to gambling. Much as his wife nagged himinto giving up the bad habit, she failed. Ultimately she decided to put down her foot. "As from today there will be no gambling in this house. Gambling is a sin," she announced.

"How can it be a sin?" her husband protested'.

"Men have been gambling since the times of the Mahabharat. Nobody called them sinful."

"Okay, if you want to follow the heroes of the Mahabharat, I can do the same. Remember, Draupadi had five husbands."

A man rushes into his house and yells to his wife, "Martha, pack up your things. I just won the California lottery!"

Martha replies, "Shall I pack for warm weather or cold?"

The man responds, "I don't care. Just so long as you're out of the house by noon!"

The man says, "Will you buy booze?"

The bum says, "No."

The man says, "Will you gamble it away?"

The bum says, "No."

So the man says, "Will you come home with me so my wife can see what happens to a man who doesn't drink or gamble?"

A regular Friday night poker game was still going strong well after midnight when one of the players returned from bathroom with an urgent report.

"Roger, listen," he told the host, "Walter's in the kitchen making love to your wife!"

"OK, that's it, guys," Roger said. "This is positively the last deal."

A doctor answers his phone and hears the familiar voice of a colleague on the other end of the line.

"We need a fourth for poker," said the friend.

"I'll be right over," whispered the doctor. As he was putting on his coat, his wife asked, "Is it serious?"

"Oh yes, quite serious," said the doctor gravely. "In fact, there are three doctors there already!"

Two dog owners were bragging about the intelligence of their pets. "The brightest dog I ever had," said one, "was a Great Dane that could play cards. He was a whiz at poker, but I had him put to sleep."

"You had him put to sleep, a bright dog like that? A dog like that would be worth a million dollars."

"Had to," he replied, "Caught him using marked cards!"