Garage Jokes / Recent Jokes

A little girl asked her Mum, “Mum, may I take the dog for a walk around the block?" Mum replies, "No, because she is on heat." What does that mean?" asked the child. Go ask your father. I think he's in the garage."
The little girl goes to the garage and says, "Dad, may I take Belle for a walk around the block? I asked Mum, but she said the dog was on heat and to come to you."

Dad said, "Bring Belle over here." He took a rag, soaked it with petrol, and scrubbed the dog's backside with it to disguise the scent and said "OK, you can go now, but keep Belle on the leash and only go one time round the block."

The little girl left and returned a few minutes later with no dog on the leash. Surprised, Dad asked, "Where's Belle?"
The little girl said..... "She ran out of petrol about halfway down the block so another dog is pushing her home."

Little Johnny
When Little Johnny was taking a shower with his mom and his dad, he asked his mom what were
those things and he pointed to her boobs. she replied"those are my bottles" then he looked at his
dad and asked what is the long stick hanging down from below his waist. the dad replied " thats my
car" Then he looked back at his mom and asked what was the hairy thing below her waist and she
replied" thats my garage"
After the shower was taken, they were going to bed. The mom had told Johnny whatever he
heard, don't wake up. he agreed.
I the middle of the night, he heard screams and weird noises like "oh's and ah's and "that
feels good." Johnny had woken up and he saw his parents having sex. He screamed." Daddy is pushing
so hard to shove his car into mommy's garage!!!!!!!!!!"

One day while taking dictation, a secretary noticed that her boss' fly was open. The embarrassed secretary told him, "Sir, your garage door is open."
The bewildered executive didn't know what she meant at first until she pointed. He quickly zipped up and said, "I hope you didn't see my super deluxe Cadillac."
"Nope." the secretary replied. "Just an old pink Volkswagen with two flat tires."

Upon serving the passengers their in-flight snacks, one attendant
attempted with utmost professional delicacy to communicate with the least risk of embarrassment to the passenger that his pants were unzipped. "Sir, your garage door is open", she whispered.
Several times during the flight she attempted to inform him of his condition but her delicacy was lost on this dumb schmuck until of course he revisited the bathroom and realized that he'd been exposed throughout the entire flight.
Realizing now what she had been trying to tell him, he became livid with humiliation. If she had just said his pants were unzipped in' plain english' he'd have been spared the embarrassment of having been in flight almost 8 hours in that condition.
"Garage door" eh! Well, two can play that game he said to himself. I'll show her.
Returning to his seat he waited for that quiet moment when he could be sure that most everyone around him could hear the exchange and more...

1. HOW WILL FOUR MEN SIT ON A SCIENCE TOOL?
THEY WILL TURN IT UP SIDE DOWN AND SIT ON IT!!!!!!!!!!!
2. THERE WAS ONCE A MOTHER AND A SON, THEY WERE HAVING A BATH TOGETHER, SO THE SON ASKS THE MOM WHAT'S THE PUSSY. SO THE MOM GO ITS A GARAGE. THEN THE SON ASKS WHAT'S THIS(HIS DICK), AND THE MOM GOES ITS A CAR. SO THEN THE SON GOES MOM CAN I PARK MY CAR IN YOUR GARAGE. AND THE MOM SAYS, NO SON THIS GARAGE IS FOR YOUR FATHER'S CAR TO PARK!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

If you introduce your wife as " This e-mail address is being protected from spam bots, you need JavaScript enabled to view it "
If your spouse sends you an e-mail instead of calling you to dinner
If you can quote scenes from any Monty Python movie
If you want an 8X CDROM for Christmas
If Dilbert is your hero
If you stare at an orange juice container because it says CONCENTRATE
If you can name 6 Star Trek episodes
If the only jokes you receive are through e-mail
If your wrist watch has more computing power than a Pentium Pro
If your idea of good interpersonal communication means getting the decimal point in the right place
If you look forward to Christmas only to put together the kids' toys
If you use a CAD package to design your son's Pine Wood Derby car
If you have used coat hangers and duct tape for something other than hanging coats and taping ducts
If, at Christmas, it goes without saying that you will be more...

They have got to be joking! Only in America....................!!!

In 1994, a New Mexico jury awarded $ 2. 9 million U. S. in damages to 81-year-old Stella Liebeck who suffered third-degree burns to her legs, groin and buttocks after spilling a cup of McDonald's coffee on herself.
This case inspired an annual award - The "Stella" Award - for the most frivolous lawsuit in the U. S. The ones listed below are clear candidates.
All these cases are verging on the outright ridiculous and yet with the right attorney you could win anything! (see OJ trial)
1. January 2000: Kathleen Robertson of Austin Texas was awarded
780, 000 by a jury of her peers after breaking her ankle tripping over a toddler who was running amok inside a furniture store. The owners of the store were understandably surprised at the verdict, considering the misbehaving tyke was Ms. Robertson's son.
2. June 1998: A 19 year old, Carl Truman of Los Angeles won 74, 000 and medical more...