Garden Jokes / Recent Jokes

"What's the problem, Eve?"
"Lord, I know you've created me and have provided this beautiful garden and all of these wonderful animals, and that hilarious comedy snake, but I'm just not happy."
"Why is that, Eve?" came the reply from above.
"Lord, I am lonely. And I'm sick to death of apples."
"Well, Eve, in that case, I have a solution. I shall create a man for you."
"What's a 'man', Lord?"
"This man will be a flawed creature, with aggressive tendencies, an enormous ego and an inability to empathize or listen to you properly. All in all, he'll give you a hard time. But, he'll be bigger and faster and more muscular than you. He'll be really good at fighting and kicking a ball about and hunting fleet-footed ruminants, and not altogether bad in the sack."
"Sounds great," says Eve, with an ironically raised eyebrow.
"Yeah, well. He's better than a poke in the eye more...

After the fall in Garden of Eden, Adam was walking with his sons Cain and Abel.
They passed by the ruins of the Garden of Eden. One of the boys asked, "What's
that?" Adam replied, "Boys, that's where your mother ate us out of house and
home."

After the fall in Garden of Eden, Adam was walking with his sons Cain and Able. They passed by the ruins of the Garden of Eden. One of the boys asked, "What's that?" Adam replied, "Boys, that's where your mother ate us out of house and home."

A wife wrote a letter to her husband in prison:
"I would like to plant some lettuce in the back garden. When would be the best time to plant them?"
The prisoner, aware that the prison guards read all mail, wrote a letter back:
"Dear Wife, Do NOT touch the back garden, whatever you do. That is where I have all the gold hidden."
A week later, the prisoner received another letter from his wife:
"You are not going to believe this. Some men came to the house with shovels and dug up the entire back yard."
The prisoner then wrote his wife again:
"Dear, NOW is the best time to plant the lettuce!"

After the fall in Garden of Eden, Adam was walking with his sons Cain andAbel. They passed by the ruins of the Garden of Eden. One of the boysasked, "What's that?" Adam replied, "Boys, that's where your mother ateus out of house and home."

INSTRUCTIONS FOR GIVING YOUR CAT A PILL
1. Pick cat up and cradle it in the crook of your left arm as if holding a baby. Position right forefinger and thumb on either side of cat`s mouth and gently apply pressure to cheeks while holding pill in right hand. As cat opens mouth, pop pill into mouth. Allow cat to close mouth and swallow.
2. Retrieve pill from floor and cat from behind sofa. Cradle cat in left arm and repeat process.
3. Retrieve cat from bedroom, and throw soggy pill away. Take new pill from foil wrap, cradle cat in left arm holding rear paws tightly with lef hand. Force jaws open and push pill to back of mouth with right forefinger. Hold mouth shut for a count of 10.
4. Retrieve pill from goldfish bowl and cat from top of wardrobe. Call spouse from garden.
5. Kneel on floor with cat wedged firmly between knees, holding front and rear paws. Ignore low growls emitted by cat. Get spouse to hold cat`s head firmly with one hand while forcing wooden more...

One night, santa saw a white shape in the garden. Thinking it was a thief, he immediately took his gun and shot at the shape. then he went to see what it was. When he came back, he was shaking. "that was a lucky escape i had", he told this to banta. "it was my shirt hung out to dry in the garden. I shot it through the heart. Just imagine what would have happened if i had been wearing that shirt! I would have died!"