Garden Jokes / Recent Jokes
Little Lucy was playing in the garden when she spotted two spidersmating. "Daddy, what are those two spiders doing?" "They're mating, Lucy" he replied." What do you call the spider on top Daddy?" Lucy asked." Oh, that's a Daddy Longlegs. Lucy asked, "Oh, so one's a Daddy Longlegs and the other one is aMommy Longlegs?" Daddy replied, "No, both of them are Daddy Longlegs." Lucy thought for a moment, then took her foot and stamped them flat. Well, we're not having THAT sort of thing in our garden!!"
An old man lived alone in Idaho. He wanted to spade his potato garden, but it was very hard work. His only son, Bubba, who used to help him, was in prison.
The old man wrote a letter to his son and mentioned his predicament.
"Dear Bubba, I am feeling pretty bad because it looks like I won't be able to plant my potato garden this year. I'm just getting too old to be digging up a garden plot. If you were here, all my troubles would be over. I know you would dig the plot for me.
- Love, Dad"
A few days later he received a letter from his son.
"Dear Dad,
For HEAVEN'S SAKE, Dad, don't dig up the garden! That's where I buried the GUNS!
- Love, Bubba"
At 4 A. M. the next morning, a dozen FBI agents and local police officers showed up and dug up the entire area without finding any guns. They apologized to the old man and left.
That same day the old man received another letter more...
One day in the Garden of Eden, Eve calls out to God.
"Lord, I have a problem!"
"What's the problem, Eve?"
"Lord, I know you created me and provided this beautiful garden and all of these wonderful animals and that hilarious comedic snake, but I'm just not happy."
"Why is that, Eve?" came the reply from above.
"Lord, I am lonely, and I'm sick to death of apples."
"Well Eve, in that case, I have a solution. I shall create a man for you."
"What's a man, Lord?"
"This man will be a flawed creature, with many bad traits. He'll lie, cheat, and be vainglorious; all in all, he'll give you a hard time. But... .. he'll be bigger, faster, and will like to hunt and kill things. He will look silly when he's aroused, but since you've been complaining, I'll create him in such a way that he will satisfy your physical needs. He will be more...
Submitted by Darcy
An old man lived alone in Idaho. He wanted to spade his potato garden, but it was very hard work. His only son, Bubba, who used to help him, was in prison
The old man wrote a letter to his son and mentioned his predicament.
Dear Bubba,
I am feeling pretty bad because it looks like I won't be able to plant my potato garden this year. I'm just getting too old to be digging up a garden plot. If you were here, all my troubles would be over. I know you would dig the plot for me.
Love, Dad
A few days later he received a letter from his son.
Dear Dad,
'For HEAVEN'S SAKE, Dad, don't dig up the garden! That's where I buried the GUNS!'
Love, Bubba
At 4 A. M. the next morning, a dozen FBI agents and local police officers showed up and dug up the entire area without finding any guns. They apologized to the old man and left.
That same day the old man received more...
Top Ten Reasons Eve Was Created
10. God was worried that Adam would frequently become lost in the garden because he would not ask for directions.
9. God knew that one day Adam would require someone to locate and hand him the remote.
8. God knew Adam would never go out and buy himself a new fig leaf when his wore out and would therefore need Eve to buy one for him.
7. God knew Adam would never be able to make a doctor's, dentist, or haircut appointment for himself.
6. God knew Adam would never remember which night to put the garbage on the curb.
5. God knew if the world was to be populated, men would never be able to handle the pain and discomfort of childbearing.
4. As the Keeper of the Garden, Adam would never remember where he left his tools.
3. Apparently, Adam needed someone to blame his troubles on when God caught him hiding in the garden.
2. As the Bible says, It is not good for more...
Top 10 Reasons God Created Eve10. God worried that Adam would frequently become lost in the garden because he would not ask for directions. 9. God knew that Adam would one day require someone to locate and hand him the TV remote. 8. God knew that Adam would never go out and get himself a new fig leaf when his seat wore out and would, therefore, need Eve to go get one for him. 7. God knew that Adam would never be able to make a doctor's, dentist, or haircut appointment for himself. 6. God knew that Adam would never be able to remember which night to put the garbage on the curb. 5. God knew that if the world was to be populated, men would never be able to handle the pain and discomfort of childbearing. 4. As "Keeper of the Garden," Adam would never remember where he left his tools. 3. Apparently, Adam needed someone to blame his troubles on when God caught him hiding in the garden. 2. As the Bible says, "It is not good for man to be alone!"And finally, the number ONE more...
God descends down into the Garden of Eden to look into Adam and Eve. He finds Adam relaxing agains a tree smoking a cigarette.
"Hello Adam," says God. "How's things?"
"We've just had sex," says Adam. "Eve has gone off to wash herself."
"Where has she gone?" asks God looking around with a sense of urgency.
"Oh Shit!" exclaims God smacking his forehead. "Now I'll never get the smell out of the fish!"