Gary Jokes / Recent Jokes

Mr Harpreet Singh Gulati is traveling from Moscow to Turban Pore [Capital of Khalistan] by Kithe Pacific.

Seated besides him is Gary Kasparov. Gary asks him whether he would like to play chess to kill time.

Gulati: "Oye Gar(r)y. You think I don't know who U are?. I can't compete with a world champion"

Gary: "How about if I play left handed? "

Gulati: [Think.. Think..] "OK!"

Gulati is demolished in 4 moves... and is very upset through-out the rest of the journey. On landing he meets his friend Manpreet Singh.

Gulati: Hey! U know what! I played Chess with Gary Kasparov and he defeated me in spite of him playing left-handed...

Manpreet: Oye ullu-de pathey!! He sure did fool you!! U know what!! Gary IS LEFT-HANDED!!

Gary and Mary go on their honeymoon, and Gary spends six hours of the honeymoon night eating Mary's pussy. The next afternoon, they go to an Italian restaurant. Suddenly, Gary starts to freak out. He screams, "Waiter! Waiter! Come over here!"
The waiter says, "Can I help you, sir?"

Gary yells, "There's a hair in my spaghetti! Get it the fuck out of here!"

The waiter apologizes up and down as he quickly takes the spaghetti away.

Mary looks over at Gary, and shaking her head, she whispers, "What a hypocrite you are. You spent most of last night with your face full of hair."

Gary says, "Yeah? Well, how long do you think I'd have stayed if I found a piece of spaghetti in there?"

Former British glam rocker Gary Glitter, convicted of molesting two Vietnamese girls, may be released early from his three-year sentence, a prison official said Wednesday. Upon release, he is going to crash on Roman Polanski's place.

(I have been told that this joke is sacrilegious. Caveat Emptor.)
Ok, so here it is:
It so happens that the Pope and Gary Hart died at the same time. There was
a mix-up, and the Pope was sent to Hell and Hart went to Heaven. Of course,
Satan immediately realized the error. He was quite displeased, so he set
about to rectify the situation at once. Nevertheless, relations between
Heaven and Hell being what they are, it took a full day for the trade to be
arranged. When the Pope heard he was going to Heaven after all, he was much
relieved, but being the caring soul he was, he was worried that Gary would
be upset at the change. So when they met halfway, the Pope said,
"Mr. Hart, I know you must be very disappointed, but you know I did
live eighty years of a clean life bound to God, so that I could claim my
Reward and kneel at the feet of the Virgin."
And Gary, grinning, replies, "Well, Your Holiness, I'm more...

Mr Banta Singh Is Traveling From Moscow To Bhatinda. Seated Besides Him Is Gary Kasparov. Gary Asks Him Whether He Would Like To Play Chess To Kill Time.

Banta: ' Oye Gar(R)Y. You Think I Don't Know Who You Are? . I Can't Compete With A World Champion'

Gary: ' How About If I Play Left Handed? '

Banta: [Think... Think..]' Ok! '

Banta Is Demolished In 4 Moves... And Is Very Upset Through-Out The Rest Of The Journey. On Landing He Meets His Friend Santa Singh.

Banta: Hey! You Know What! I Played Chess With Gary Kasparov And He Defeated Me Inspite Of Him Playing Left-Handed.....

Santa: Oye Ullu-De Pathey! ! He Sure Did Fool You! ! You Know What! ! Gary Is Left-Handed! !

Q: The guy whose job it is to spray water over the veggies at the grocery store develops an' attitude.' Why should he be charged as a petty criminal
A: Because of his mist demeanor - (Or' Because he was misty meaner.' or' He was Mr. meaner.) (By Gary Hallock)

Q: A writer scorned computers and used an old-fashioned machine on which to compose her less-than-literary compositions, which pandered to low taste but sold very well. What did she name the machine she wrote on
A: A tripewriter (or A tritewriter) (By SRpunster)

Q: What jazz singer did God use to create the world
A: Eartha Kitt (By Gary Hallock)

Q: What do you call a reptile hired to look into mutual fund and stock market fraud
A: An invest-a-gator (By Stan Kegel)

Q: What large extinct creature was probably named after the infected wounds of Victorian era female sibling authors
A: Bronte sores (By Gary Hallock)

I wish my name was Gary Boone! Do you wanna know why? Because, then, my name could be goon... you see, because you take the "G" from Gary and the "oone" from Boone to get Goon!
But, you know, that's not the worst nickname. The person that does have the worst nickname is my friend, Phil Hart. I can't even tell you what we call him...