Gas Jokes / Recent Jokes
"I'm going fishing." Really means"I'm going to drink myself dangerously stupid and stand by a stream with a stick in my hand, while the fish swim by in complete safety." "Let's take your car." Really means"Mine is full of beer cans and burger wrappers and is completely out of gas." "Woman driver." Really means"Someone who doesn't speed, tailgate, swear, make obscene gestures and has a better driving record than me." "I don't care what color you paint the kitchen." Really means"As long as it's not blue, green, pink, red, yellow, lavender, gray, mauve, black, turquoise or any other color besides white." "It's a guy thing." Really means"There is no rational thought pattern connected with it, and you have no chance at all of making it logical." "Can I help with dinner?" Really means"Why isn't it already on the table?" "Uh huh," "Sure, honey," or more...
Two Aliens land in Detroit, next to a Gas station. The Aliens waddle out of their ship and look around. The first thing they see that resembles a being is the Gas pump. The two Aliens approach. The first one says "Earthling take me to your leader!"He gets no response. The first Alien looks at his buddy then addresses the pump again. "Earthling, I said Take me to your leader!"Still no response. The first Alien then turns to the second and says, "If this Earthling doesn't show me some respect I'm going to blast him!"The second Alien replies "O. K. but, I'm just going to stand down on the next block." The first Alien looks a little puzzled, but waits for the other to waddle to the next block. He then addresses pump a third time." Earthling take me to your leader!"No response. The Alien then pulls out his ray-gun and shoots the pump. After the explosion the Alien gets up, dusts himself off then goes down the block to his buddy. He then more...
1. A model year wouldn't be available until AFTER that calendar year.
2. Every time they repainted the lines on the road, you'd have to buy a new car.
3. Occasionally your car would just die for no reason, you'd have to restart it. For some strange reason, you would just accept this.
4. You could only have one person at a time in your car, unless you bought a Car 95 or a Car NT, but then you'd have to buy more seats.
5. Sun Motorsystems would make a car that was solar powered, twice as reliable, 5 times as fast, but only ran on 5% of the roads.
6. The oil, alternator, gas, engine warning lights would be replaced with a single "General Car Fault" warning light.
7. People would get excited about the "new" features in Microsoft cars, forgetting completely that they had been available in other brands for years.
8. We'd all have to switch to Microsoft Gas (tm).
On a Sunday evening, a young woman was driving herself to a meeting she had up north the next day when she noticed that she was running low on gas and didn't know where the next gas station was. Just as she thought she would have to pull over and sleep the night on the side of the road, she came across a rather dodgy-looking petrol station.
When she pulled in, the attendant made his way around the car and seemed to be very distracted when she asked him to fill it up, She even thought that the man was making faces at her! He finally agreed to get the gas, but then asked her to pop open the hood of the car because there "seemed to be a problem."
Naturally, the woman became a little anxious - she was all alone in a remote gas station, out in the middle of nowhere and it was obvious that the attendant was trying to find reasons to keep her there.
He asked her to come look at the engine, because he had to "show her something". Not more...
On AppearanceExcessive use of perfume makes a woman less desirable. Perfumes are manufactured from fragrances of herbs, flowers, and other substances that are put into some medium that is strong enough to hold the odor. That medium is often ambergris... a secretion from the intestines of the sperm whale. In other words, you and your man may smell the odor of whale puke instead of enjoying the fragrance of flowers or herbs. Cleanliness is especially important. If a woman uses enough soap and has that clean, fresh look that a recent shower gives, she could wear a potato sack and still be desirable for her male. T-shirts are great. It doesn't take much male imagination to know that in less than five seconds, they are off over your head. Food particles between the teeth, especially the front teeth, are highly undesirable. On DatingIf you need to pass gas (fart), excuse yourself from his presence. Try not to destroy illusions by unpleasant odors. If you need to pass gas, face him.. If you more...
The following is supposedly a true story. To be included, besides being true, the story is most likely strange, weird, surprising, or funny. January 16, 1993Escondido attorney Ben Echeverria filed a $2 million lawsuit in August against Texaco Inc. and a local gas station manager because station attendants were pumping gas for women at self-service prices, but not for men. The station almost immediately stopped its practice and forced women to start pumping for themselves.
"I'm going fishing." Really means... "I'm going to drink myself dangerously stupid, and stand by a stream with a stick in my hand, while the fish swim by in complete safety."
"Let's take your car." Really means.... "Mine is full of beer cans, burger wrappers and completely out of gas."
"Woman driver." Really means.... "Someone who doesn't speed, tailgate, swear, make obscene gestures and has a better driving record than me."
"I don't care what color you paint the kitchen." Really means.... "As long as it's not blue, green, pink, red, yellow, lavender, gray, mauve, black, turquoise or any other color besides white."
"It's a guy thing." Really means.... "There is no rational thought pattern connected with it, and you have no chance at all of making it logical."
"Can I help with dinner?" Really means.... "Why isn't it already on the more...