Gate Jokes / Recent Jokes

An elderly man dies and goes to heaven. At the pearly gates Saint Peter welcomes him but states that the man must know how to spell the secret password to get in.
The old man replies, "You mean I don't have to know it, I just have to spell it?"
Saint Peter says, "Yes, that is correct, all you have to do is spell 'LOVE.'"
The old mans spells out L-O-V-E with excitement. Saint Peter opens the gate and says, "Come on in!"
Then Saint Peter asks the old man if he could guard the gate for a few minutes while he goes to see God.
The old man does so and while he is waiting, his wife suddenly appears in a flash. He asked her what she was doing there.
She tells him that on the way home from the funeral, she had a bad accident and died then asks him to open the gate and let her in.
He tells her that she must spell the secret password first in order to get in.
She says "Okay, what is the word?"
He replies, more...

During the' rush hour' at Houston's Hobby Airport, a flight was delayed due to a mechanical problem.
Since they needed the gate for another flight, the aircraft was backed away from the gate while the maintenance crew worked on it. The passengers were then told the new gate number, which was some distance away. Everyone moved to the new gate, only to find a third gate had been designated for them.
After some further shuffling, everyone got on board, and as they were settling in, the flight attendant made the standard announcement,' We apologise for the inconvenience of this last-minute gate change. This flight is going to Washington, D. C. If your destination is not Washington, D. C., then you should' deplane' at this time.'
A very confused-looking and red-faced pilot emerged from the cockpit, carrying his bags.' Sorry,' he said, wrong plane.'

The lawyer is standing at the gate to Heaven and St. Peter is listing his sins:

Defending a large corporation in a pollution suit where he knew they were guilty.

Defending an obviously guilty murderer because the fee was high.

Overcharging fees to many clients.

Prosecuting an innocent woman because a scapegoat was needed in a controversial case.

And the list goes on for quite awhile....

The lawyer objects and begins to argue his case. He admits all these things, but argues, "Wait, I've done some charity in my life also." St. Peter looks in his book and says,"Yes, I see. Once you gave a dime to a panhandler and once you gave an extra nickel to the shoeshine boy, correct?" The lawyer gets a smug look on his face and replies, "Yes." St. Peter turns to the angel next to him and says, "Give this guy 15 cents and tell him to go to hell."

The pope died. Like all good Christians he went to heaven and knocked on the gate. Peter opened the gate, and the pope said: "I'm the pope."
Peter picked up the phone and rang Jesus. "I have someone here who says he's the pope, do you know him?"
Jesus answered: "No, never heared of him, send him to hell."
Peter relayed this message to the pope.
"That can't be true, ring God himself," the pope said.
Peter rang God and said: "Here's someone who says he's the pope, do you know him?"
God answered: "No, never heard of him, send him to hell."
And again, Peter told the pope.
"The last chance I have is the Holy Spirit," the pope said.
Peter rang him and said: "I have someone here who says he's the pope, you know him?"
"Yes," he said, "I know him. He's the one who told everyone I got Maria pregnant. Send him to hell."

The following is supposedly a true story. To be included, besides being true, the story is most likely strange, weird, surprising, or funny.The German controllers at Frankfurt Airport were a short-tempered lot. They not only expected you to know your parking location but how to get there without any assistance from them. So it was with some amusement that we (PanAm 747) listened to the following exchange between Frankfurt ground and a British Airways 747 (radio call Speedbird 206) after landing. Speedbird 206: "Good morning Frankfurt, Speedbird 206 clear of the active." Ground: "Good Morning, taxi to your gate." The British Airways 747 pulls onto the main taxiway and stops. Ground: "Speedbird, do you not know where you are going?" Speedbird 206: "Stand by, ground, I'm looking up the gate location now." Ground (impatiently): "Speedbird 206, have you never flown to Frankfurt before?" Speedbird 206 (coolly): "Yes, in 1944. But I more...

I HAD A BAD DAY It was getting a little crowded in Heaven, so God decided to change the admittance policy. The new law was that, in order to get into Heaven, you had to have a really bad day the day you died. The policy would go into effect at noon the following day. So the next day at 12: 01 the first person came to the gates of Heaven. The angel at the gate, remembering about the new law, promptly told the man, "Before I can let you in, I need you to tell me about the day you died." "No problem." said the man. "Well, for some time now, I've thought my wife was having an affair. I believed that each day on her lunch hour, she'd bring her lover home to our 25th floor apartment and have sex with him. So today I was going to come home too and catch them. Well, I got there and busted in and immediately began searching for this guy. My wife was half-naked and yelling at me as I searched the entire apartment. But, damn it, I couldn't find him! Just as I was going more...

At the airport for a business trip, I settled down to wait for the boarding announcement at Gate 35. Then I heard the voice on the public address system saying, "We apologize for the inconvenience, but Delta Flight 570 will board from Gate 41."
So my family picked up our luggage and carried it over to Gate 41. Not ten minutes later the public address voice told us that Flight 570 would in fact be boarding from Gate 35.
So again we gathered our carry-on luggage and returned to the original gate. Just as we were settling down, the public address voice spoke again: "Thank you for participating in Delta's physical fitness program."